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Some people believe that nations and individuals should focus on their own problems because it is impossible to help everyone in the world since there are so many needs. To what extents do you agree or disagree. v.2

Some people believe that nations and individuals should focus on their own problems because it is impossible to help everyone in the world since there are so many needs. v. 2
Some people think that it is unnecessary for nations and individuals to pay attention to help others and everyone just need to settle their own problems. I disagree with this point. As for individuals, people should do what they can to help others because every help will benefit at least one person which may change his or her life. Although we cannot find appropriate methods to satisfy all other needs, it is essential for the one person that we do help. Every life deserves to be respected, so we can overlook it just because there are too many needs in the world. For example, a donation for orphaned children would not save all of them from poverty, but it is obvious more children realize their dreams because of the contribution. Besides, as a part of society, if everyone gives a little to those who need help, then collectively that power can make a difference and more harmonious society. For the reason of morality, nations have a responsibility to focus on other countries’ needs. There is no country that can exist globally by itself because of resources, environment and so on. With global development, countries have stronger ties than in the past, so others’ problems will influence them someday. Also, every problem is very important and needs all nations’ cooperation. If there is a country which rejects to join in, then we will face more significant difficulties such as the massive scale of climate change and its effects. In addition, helping others will bring the nation more friends who will lend a hand when it is needed. In conclusion, there is always a huge amount of different needs across the world, but it does not mean we cannot deal with anyone. It is important for nations and individuals to help each other because any help great or small, will bring a change which returns positive results.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is unnecessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and individuals to pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others and everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to settle their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems. I disagree with this point.

As for individuals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should do what they can to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
will benefit at least one person which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
life. Although we cannot find appropriate methods to satisfy all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, it is essential for the one person that we do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. Every life deserves to
be respected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can overlook it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
in the world.
For example
, a donation for orphaned children would not save all of them from poverty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is obvious more children realize their dreams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the contribution.
Besides
, as a part of society, if everyone gives a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, then
collectively
that power can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference and more harmonious society.

For the reason of morality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have a responsibility to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. There is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that can exist globally by itself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of resources, environment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. With global development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have stronger ties than in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
others’ problems will influence them someday.
Also
, every problem is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations’
cooperation. If there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which rejects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in, then we will face more significant difficulties such as the massive scale of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and its effects.
In addition
, helping others will bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
more friends who will lend a hand when it
is needed
.

In conclusion
, there is always a huge amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
across the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not mean we cannot deal with anyone. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
great or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, will bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
which returns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that nations and individuals should focus on their own problems because it is impossible to help everyone in the world since there are so many needs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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