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Some people think that nations and individuals should focus on their problems because it is unable to help everyone in the world since there are so many in needs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that nations and individuals should focus on their problems because it is unable to help everyone in the world since there are so many in needs. v. 1
It looks so selfish that society and each person give concentration on their own issues, because on this earth, all the countries and its citizens have already myriads of problems nations and people. I, holistically, disagree with this point of view due to some logical reasons. To begin with, the individual is dependent on other people, so does the nation. For this salient feature of a person, human beings are known as the best creature of the world. If a man will not help other men, nothing fruitful would outcome for the nation. For example, if one country does not give hand to another country, it will be impossible to survive in this complicated world. This is because, when a country like the USA, is producing corn and rice profusely whereas Canada has a huge production of grain crops like barely, oats which are the ultimate need of the USA. If Canada does not give these grains to the USA, the people of the USA would be in trouble and vice-versa. I, personally, do not think that there is any detrimental effect in helping someone. Similarly, the human being lives on the planet, Earth. The human makes the society and humanity succours each person to live in the community by heading up. If humanity had died, no one would have survived in this world. For instance, individuals encourage other people who are afraid to do exceptional which could invariably, help to build developed society, and this, eventually, leads to become a great nation. Moreover, showing humane quality neither irritating nor boasting, but helping the other creatures of God. Therefore, if we solve other problems, despite having many problems individually, then the whole problem will be solved in the long run. In conclusion, there are plenty of essential things that people need in this civilization. It does not mean that people will not deal with those problems, since they are themselves on a big issue. I would say that all the people and society come forward to tackle all the problems.
It looks
so
selfish that
society
and each person give concentration on their
own
issues,
because
on this earth, all the
countries
and its citizens have already myriads of
problems
nations
and
people
. I,
holistically
, disagree with this point of view due to
some
logical reasons.

To
begin
with, the individual is dependent on
other
people
,
so
does
the
nation
. For this salient feature of a person,
human
beings
are known
as the best creature of the world. If a
man
will not
help
other
men
, nothing fruitful would outcome for the
nation
.
For example
, if one
country
does
not give hand to another
country
, it will be impossible to survive in this complicated world. This is
because
, when a
country
like the USA, is producing corn and rice
profusely
whereas Canada has a huge production of grain crops like
barely
, oats which are the ultimate need of the USA. If Canada
does
not give these grains to the USA, the
people
of the USA would be in trouble and vice-versa. I,
personally
, do not
think
that there is any detrimental effect in helping someone.

Similarly
, the
human
being
lives
on the planet, Earth. The
human
makes
the
society
and humanity
succours
each person to
live
in the community by heading up. If humanity had
died
, no one would have survived in this world.
For instance
, individuals encourage
other
people
who are afraid to do exceptional which could
invariably
,
help
to build developed
society
, and this,
eventually
, leads to become a great
nation
.
Moreover
, showing
humane
quality neither irritating nor boasting,
but
helping the
other
creatures of God.
Therefore
, if we solve
other
problems
, despite having
many
problems
individually
, then the whole
problem
will
be solved
in the long run.

In conclusion
, there are
plenty
of essential things that
people
need in this civilization. It
does
not mean that
people
will not deal with those
problems
, since they are themselves on a
big
issue. I would say that all the
people
and
society
come
forward to tackle all the
problems
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think that nations and individuals should focus on their problems because it is unable to help everyone in the world since there are so many in needs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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