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Tourism is becoming increasingly important and a source of income to many countries, but its disadvantages shouldn't be overlooked. to what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Tourism is becoming increasingly important and a source of income to many countries, but its disadvantages shouldn't be overlooked. v. 1
Revenue generated by tourism is of no doubt important, as it can help to take care of some aspects of a country's budget. Nevertheless, it is needful to say that there are some other effects of tourism, which may not be so beneficial. There could an increase in the crime rate as a result of vacations activities. Also, the cost a country incurs to set up attraction centres when compared to the revenue it brings may not be so profitable. Any part of the world where excursionist troop in to visit has to make a heavy investment into such attractions in order to make them appealing to individuals. Major expenditure is usually embarked upon by the host to develop their monuments so that they can meet up with the necessary standards. A country's point of attraction may initially be crude; not having the ability to draw individuals to it. It would therefore be necessary that these points be developed to make them appealing. Many of these countries, may not have such funds, to give their attraction points the face lift needed so they borrow, thereby putting the nation into serious debt, which might take future generations to pay off. Also, after investing a huge amount of capital into tourism, there is the probability that it won't be as profitable as expected due to other factors which are beyond the nation's control leaving them with little or no return on investment. It is also worthy to note that tourism has a huge potential of increasing the crime rate in an economy. First of all, the credibility of a tourist cannot be completely ascertained. For instance, a thief who is trying to escape from his/her country of residence as a result of the atrocity he/she committed may go to another place under the pretence of vacation, and may continue to perpetuate crime where he/she is being hosted. Thereby causing harm to the country. Also, such foreigners are likely to have a negative influence on the natives, especially the ones with feeble minds, increasing number of criminals a country has to deal with. In conclusion, the cons of tourism as explained above are not what should be overlooked by any serious country. Although, it is argued that tourism is beneficial in terms of revenue that could be generated from it, the dangers of not putting a check on the negative effects it brings to a nation could be catastrophic
Revenue generated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is of no doubt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to take care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of a country's budget.
Nevertheless
, it is needful to say that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, which may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
beneficial. There could an increase in the crime rate
as a result
of vacations activities.
Also
, the cost a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
incurs to set up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
when compared to the revenue it brings may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
profitable.

Any part of the world where excursionist troop in to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a heavy investment into such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them appealing to individuals. Major expenditure is
usually
embarked upon by the host to develop their monuments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with the necessary standards. A country's point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
may
initially
be crude; not having the ability to draw individuals to it. It would
therefore
be necessary that these points
be developed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them appealing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, may not have such funds, to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
points the face lift needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they borrow, thereby putting the nation into serious debt, which might take future generations to pay off.
Also
, after investing a huge amount of capital into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, there is the probability that it won't be as profitable as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
due to other factors which are beyond the nation's control leaving them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no return on investment.

It is
also
worthy to note that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has a huge potential of increasing the crime rate in an economy.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the credibility of a tourist cannot be completely ascertained.
For instance
, a thief who is trying to escape from his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of residence
as a result
of the atrocity he/she committed may go to another place under the pretence of vacation, and may continue to perpetuate crime where he/she is
being hosted
.

Thereby causing harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Also
, such foreigners are likely to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the natives,
especially
the ones with feeble minds, increasing number of criminals a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with.

In conclusion
, the cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above are not what should
be overlooked
by any serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Although, it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is beneficial in terms of revenue that could
be generated
from it, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of not putting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects it brings to a nation could be catastrophic
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Tourism is becoming increasingly important and a source of income to many countries, but its disadvantages shouldn't be overlooked. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
405 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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