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Some people believe that part time job can be beneficial for better jobs in future. Others think it will distract students from study. v.1

Some people believe that part time job can be beneficial for better jobs in future. Others think it will distract students from study. v. 1
In this day and age, there are a number of opinions how youth should spend their student’s life to get all opportunities for this short and unique period in the life of everybody. It is supposed that if to have a part time job during study, students will realize what they really want from their lives and where they need to go. Other people agree that at this time students have to focus on their academic performance to acquire essential knowledge and become professionals in the field chosen. I am convinced that every job discloses internal potential assisting to determine a future way of young people and find out strong sides of personality. Some people share the opinion that every student should have extensive work experience to understand the way money is earned and receive the opportunity to find the right way. Part time job provides young people with a chance to work in various industries and improve time-managing skills being useful in daily life. To illustrate, my group mate was hired by a small hotel in Chelyabinsk to work as a waitress and after half a year she realized that the hospitality industry was not her field where she wanted to work. On the other hand, she improved stress tolerance, could perform several functions at the same time and discovered that she enjoyed working with people. Others believe that part-time employment can destroy all aspiration to study replacing knowledge with money. Thus, they are not able to find a good job and tend to lose motivation to receive higher education missing the opportunity to improve skills and broaden horizons. For instance, some students from my group gave up studying and went to different cities to work in hotels and restaurants losing the possibility to explore hospitality industry, have internships in international chains and receive high position after graduation. To conclude, work experience during study is a great opportunity to perform remembering about work-study balance. I adhere to the view that part time job has many advantages if one manages their time the right way.
In this day and age, there are a number of opinions how youth should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for this short and unique period in the life of everybody. It
is supposed
that if to have a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will realize what they
really
want from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and where they need to go. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on their academic performance to acquire essential knowledge and become professionals in the field chosen. I
am convinced
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
discloses internal potential assisting to determine a future way of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and find out strong sides of personality.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
share the opinion that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should have extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience to understand the way money
is earned
and receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to find the right way. Part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
provides young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in various industries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
time-managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
being useful in daily life. To illustrate, my group mate
was hired
by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
hotel in Chelyabinsk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a waitress and after half a year she realized that the hospitality industry was not her field where she wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
On the other hand
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
tolerance, could perform several functions at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and discovered that she enjoyed working with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Others believe that part-time employment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
all aspiration to study replacing knowledge with money.
Thus
, they are not able to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and tend to lose motivation to receive higher education missing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and broaden horizons.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from my group gave up studying and went to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in hotels and restaurants losing the possibility to explore hospitality industry, have internships in international chains and receive high position after graduation.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience during study is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to perform remembering about work-study balance. I adhere to the view that part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages if one manages their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the right way.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people believe that part time job can be beneficial for better jobs in future. Others think it will distract students from study. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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