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Some people believe that music is a way to bring people of different cultures and ages together. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people believe that music is a way to bring people of different cultures and ages together. v. 1
It is thought by many that music across the world is often used as a tool to shrunken the gap between various cultures and generations. I completely agree with this notion not only because remakes of older versions are equally popular among all ages and international music concerts are frequent irrespective of bizarre language but also the money generated from music concerts is used for culture promotion all around the world. Firstly, many music production companies are making a new version of old songs which are liked by both youngsters and adults. Since there is always a contradiction of thoughts between young and older people but with the advent of the new version that is the fusion of old lyrics with the new instruments is liked by everyone. Take an example of India, where the report of a survey conducted by the Eros music company revealed that the majority of people aged between 20-60 prefer remixes of old songs because they are fascinated by the new experiments with the older one. Thus, music has brought people of all ages closer than ever before. Secondly, the concerts organized by the music industry, on an international level, provide a platform for people to broaden their horizons by exposing themselves to different cultures. As many countries take part in this program and represent their culture by giving a performance in their local language and costume, which is a great opportunity for the participants to learn other cultures. For instance, an Indian singer, AR Rahman, is making a fusion of western and eastern music with the collaboration of a famous American singer Brian Adams. Hence, music is a way to bring cultures together. Finally, many governments in the world are generating a hefty amount of revenue from the music industry so that this money could be utilized to introduce their culture worldwide by sending singers to different countries. To sum up, I completely agree that music brings cultures and ages together by making remakes, conducting concerts all around the world, and using the money earned from the music industry to promote local culture.
It is
thought
by
many
that
music
across the world is
often
used
as a tool
to shrunken
the gap between various
cultures
and generations. I completely
agree
with this notion not
only
because
remakes of older versions are
equally
popular among all ages and international
music
concerts
are frequent irrespective of bizarre language
but
also
the money generated from
music
concerts
is
used
for
culture
promotion all around the world.

Firstly
,
many
music
production
companies
are making a
new
version of
old
songs which
are liked
by both youngsters and adults. Since there is always a contradiction of thoughts between young and older
people
but
with the advent of the
new
version
that is
the fusion of
old
lyrics with the
new
instruments
is liked
by everyone. Take an example of India, where the report of a survey conducted by the Eros
music
company
revealed that the majority of
people
aged between 20-60 prefer remixes of
old
songs
because
they
are fascinated
by the
new
experiments with the older one.
Thus
,
music
has brought
people
of all ages closer than ever
before
.

Secondly
, the
concerts
organized by the
music
industry, on an international level, provide a platform for
people
to broaden their horizons by exposing themselves to
different
cultures
. As
many
countries
take part
in this program and represent their
culture
by giving a performance in their local language and costume, which is a great opportunity for the participants to learn other
cultures
.
For instance
, an Indian singer, AR Rahman, is making a fusion of western and eastern
music
with the collaboration of a
famous
American singer Brian Adams.
Hence
,
music
is a way to bring
cultures
together.

Finally
,
many
governments
in the world are generating a hefty amount of revenue from the
music
industry
so
that this money could
be utilized
to introduce their
culture
worldwide by sending singers to
different
countries.

To sum up, I completely
agree
that
music
brings
cultures
and ages together by making remakes, conducting
concerts
all around the world, and using the money earned from the
music
industry to promote local
culture
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that music is a way to bring people of different cultures and ages together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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