Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience. v.1

In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 1
In the world of today, some people are of the opinion that animals should no longer be used and killed for food, fashion or medical industries. I find this idea partly agreeable as there is still a need to use animals in different purposes of life. On the one hand, people have their valid points to prove for the unnecessarily of killing and abusing animals for industries. It is undeniable that the world is significantly developing and we have found alternative ways to produce food. For instance, scientist recently have come up with plan-based meat and artificial meat that contains an equal amount of nutrition, such as fat, protein or vitamins, compared to regular meat. If we can produce and expand the use of this invention in mass scale, butchers and cattle will no longer be needed and animals can have their free lives like they used to have before in the ecosystem, and actually deserves for that. Regarding the aspect of clothing production, using artificial fabrics from plants and chemicals for daily clothes has been increasingly popular. In fact, not only man-made garments are sustainable to use, but it is also has definitely better outlook, in comparison with ones made from animals’ fur and skin. Concerning the medical perspective, Artificial Intelligent has been largely developed to a level that it can help humans to analysis and evaluate side effects and the safety level; therefore, animal testing is unnecessary. Furthermore, traditional medicines made from animals like cobra or rhino’s horn have been proved by specialists and scientists to be useless and have no actual benefits. On the other hand, animals are still useful to be use to produce products serving human daily lives. First of all, meat-eaters make up 70% of the world population, so a ban on killing animals for meat seems to be unreasonable. Also, as if millions of butchers and cattle were not allowed to milk their cash cows, they would be pushed to unemployment with millions of people losing their job and being unable to make end meets. Next, in the fashion industry, some areas with extreme weather like North America or African still need to use animals’ skin and fur to prevent themselves from the deadly cold and hot weather. For example, in Canada, although people are aware of the cruelty of killing gooses for fur to make winter jackets, they still have no choice but using it, due to its irrefutable effectiveness. Lastly, in the medical aspect, there is no doubt that animal testing is still necessary as it helps human to ensure that new treatments are safe to use with no side effects or risks. It is undoubtedly true that humans should be prioritized over animals and it is better to have an animal suffer, rather than a human to die. In conclusion, although abusing animals for the production of food, clothing and medicine are considered to be cruel, we still need to keep doing it as humans’ lives still depend heavily on those activities.
In the world of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should no longer be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and killed for food, fashion or medical industries. I find this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
partly agreeable as there is
still
a need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes of life.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their valid points to prove for the
unnecessarily
of killing and abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for industries. It is undeniable that the world is
significantly
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
developing and
we have found alternative ways to produce food.
For instance
, scientist recently have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with plan-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
that contains an equal amount of nutrition, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, protein or vitamins, compared to regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
. If we can produce and expand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this invention in mass scale, butchers and cattle will no longer
be needed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can have their free
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in the ecosystem, and actually deserves for that. Regarding the aspect of clothing production, using artificial fabrics from plants and chemicals for daily clothes has been
increasingly
popular. In fact, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made garments are sustainable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
has definitely
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "bettered", "welled".
better
outlook,
in comparison
with ones made from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
fur and skin. Concerning the medical perspective, Artificial Intelligent has been
largely
developed to a level that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to analysis and evaluate side effects and the safety level;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
testing is unnecessary.
Furthermore
, traditional medicines made from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like cobra or rhino’s horn have
been proved
by specialists and scientists to be useless and have no actual benefits.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
still
useful to be
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
produce products serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, meat-eaters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up 70% of the world population,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a ban on killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
seems to be unreasonable.
Also
, as if millions of butchers and cattle were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to milk their cash cows, they would
be pushed
to unemployment with millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
losing their job and being unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
meets.
Next
, in the fashion industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas with extreme weather like North America or African
still
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
skin and fur to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves from the deadly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and hot weather.
For example
, in Canada, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of the cruelty of killing gooses for fur to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
winter jackets, they
still
have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using it, due to its irrefutable effectiveness.
Lastly
, in the medical aspect, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
testing is
still
necessary as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
to ensure that new treatments are safe to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
with no side effects or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. It is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should
be prioritized
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and it is better to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
suffer,
rather
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.

In conclusion
, although abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the production of food, clothing and medicine
are considered
to be cruel, we
still
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
doing it as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
still
depend
heavily
on those activities.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
502 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts