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In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development v.2

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development v. 2
The last few years we see that a big shopping centre are popping up everywhere in our cities. Many so called convenient stores are becoming less profitable and closing almost every week. I think it is a bad tendency and it will have a sad consequences for people who are living around. Firstly, closing local stores will increase the unemployment rate. People who have a job in the small shops will lose their posts and probably they will not take the opportunity from the malls that placed quite far from their previous locations. We can see from the open sources that this situation is real, last large mall on the west side of London had erased almost all small shops around. It is quite easy to see that this is not good for our city, we should support the local stores more. Secondly, removing distributed network of small stores will increase the number of traffic jams. Many people will not be able reach big shopping centre by walk and as a big mall is a very attractive place for large amount of people, we may expect more cars and public transport will be showing near it. Last time I was trying to get there and it took me almost 2 hours! For me it is so easy to buy groceries at the local store. By concentrating the large amount of people around the malls we, clearly, are harming to our public transport system. In conclusion, we see that local stores is an important thing that any balanced city should have.
The last few years we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
are popping up everywhere in our cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are becoming less profitable and closing almost every week. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
tendency and it will have a sad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living around.

Firstly
, closing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will increase the unemployment rate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have a job in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shops will lose their posts and
probably
they will not take the opportunity from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
that placed quite far from their previous locations. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the open sources that this situation is real, last large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
on the west side of London had erased almost all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shops around. It is quite easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our city, we should support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
more.

Secondly
, removing distributed network of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will increase the number of traffic jams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'reach'.
able reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
by walk and as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive place for large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
more cars and public transport will be showing near it. Last time I was trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
there and it took me almost 2 hours! For me it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
groceries at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
. By concentrating the large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
we,
clearly
, are harming to our public transport system.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing that any balanced city should have.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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