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In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. You should write at least 250 words. v.2

In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. v. 2
People have different views about which element that people should have to win a sports match. While there are some individuals claim that great physical condition is necessary to be winners, many others argue that well-prepared psychology is the main factor could lead to the win. From my point of view, sport is a form of physical activities so I believe that people need a robust constitution to knock down their competitors. On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some advantages that a strong will may lead to. First of all, a wonderful mental attitude could avoid the players being confused or despondent. For example, when they or their team stuck in any trouble while they’re playing, a person who has a great mental status may solve it calmly and smartly. In addition, a good state of mental health may help the team plan their tactics in a more thoughtful and better way, compared to do it with an anxious feeling. On the other hand, it is true that people having bodily wellness might gain an advantage over their opponents. Firstly, sports exercises requires the players a fit body and an amazing constitution. Sports players often have to run continuously for a long time throughout the match and perform several skills to fight against their opposite team, so they need a perfect physical plight to do it well. Secondly, although the strength of will also benefits the match in some ways, it is just an extra need, not a key factor may help people to win a match. Obviously, it’s impossible that a person who has mental wellness, but has a lack of good quality physical status and professional skills will win in the end. I don’t think that a player who is not strong enough could perform excellently in a health-required match. In conclusion, while there are those who win within good mental preparation, I strongly believe that competitors should focus on physical practice more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about which element that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals claim that great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
condition is necessary to be winners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others argue that well-prepared psychology is the main factor could lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need a robust constitution to knock down their competitors.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages that a strong will may lead to.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
attitude could avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
being confused
or despondent.
For example
, when they or their team stuck in any trouble while they’re playing, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
status may solve it
calmly
and
smartly
.
In addition
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the team plan their tactics in a more thoughtful and better way, compared to do it with an anxious feeling.

On the other hand
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having
bodily
wellness might gain an advantage over their opponents.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
exercises requires the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
a fit body and an amazing constitution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
run
continuously
for a long time throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
and perform several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to fight against their opposite team,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
plight to do it well.
Secondly
, although the strength of will
also
benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an extra need, not a key factor may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
.
Obviously
, it’s impossible that a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
wellness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has a lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
status and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
could perform
excellently
in a health-required match.

In conclusion
, while there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
preparation, I
strongly
believe that competitors should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
practice more.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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