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Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. v. 6
Fitness is a vital factor that involves all sports. Some people cite that physical fitness is more significant than mental attitude, while others opine the other way. In this essay, I will discuss both views. In my opinion - for a sports person or a sports team, they should be mentally fit than physically. It is an irrefutable fact that physical strength is a prominent aspect of sports, without this they cannot excel in the game. Especially some sports involve massive bodily movements such as Rugby, Football, Cricket, Wrestling and so on. This is the reason why the coaches involve them in massive workout programs. It is often seen in international football competitions the players often have a physical body so that they are flexible to run swiftly and stretch. In short, physical health has a significant role in sports On the contrary, it is the mental fitness and attitude of the player that leads to winning the game. Even though people are physically fit, but are not confident enough to play the game, the results will be negative. For example, in the recent cricket world cup, the team which has no experience in international cricket had entered into semi-finals by defeating world number one ranked team by having a positive and mental attitude towards the game. Additionally, even though Sachin Tendulkar is only 5. 9 feet tall and criticized by many of the international players ruled the world of cricket and became the god of the gentleman's game In conclusion, success and failure of the game depend on various aspects. Although, some people say that physical fitness is the paramount factor, in my view winning the game is dependent on the mental attitude of the team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fitness
is a vital factor that involves all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cite that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
is more significant than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
, while others opine the other way. In this essay, I will discuss both views. In my opinion
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, they should be mentally
Use "fitter" to make a comparison with this adjective.
fit
than
physically
.

It is an irrefutable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength is a prominent aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, without this they cannot excel in the game.
Especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
involve massive
bodily
movements such as Rugby, Football,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cricket
, Wrestling and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This is the reason why the coaches involve them in massive workout programs. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in international football competitions the players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are flexible to run
swiftly
and stretch. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health has a significant role in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
sports


On the contrary
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
of the player that leads to winning the game.
Even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
physically
fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to play the game, the results will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
For example
, in the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
world cup, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
which has no experience in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
had entered into semi-finals by defeating world number one ranked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
by having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
towards the game.
Additionally
,
even though
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5.
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
9 feet
tall and criticized by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the international players ruled the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
and became the god of the gentleman's game

In conclusion
, success and failure of the game depend on various aspects. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
is the paramount factor, in my view winning the game is dependent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. v. 6

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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