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Some people believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will drive more benefits from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics, electricity engineering or cooking. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will drive more benefits from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics, electricity engineering or cooking. v. 1
Nowadays, the question of whether students should learn academic subjects, such as chemistry, physics and history or practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although studying academic subjects is not without advantages, vocational subjects will be far more considered. There are a variety of reasons for studying academic subjects. First, since most graduates expect to land decent jobs down the road, having access to academic courses is necessary. In fact, most high-salaried workers are required to have a complex understanding of their disciplines, which can only be achieved if they have taken academic subjects. Second, by learning these subjects, students can continue higher education. This means that they are armed with the fundamental knowledge to do research or study, which is conducive to human innovations and developments later. On the other hand, there are a great number of reasons why students had better choose vocational subjects to study. First, in order to make a living as soon as possible, students should learn practical courses rather than academic ones. For example, motor mechanic classes in schools provide students with mechanical knowledge and practical skills such as fixing a motor or assembling the parts of a motor, which helps students find it easy to have a job after graduating from the school and earn money to feed themselves and their family. Second, if more and more students gained a wealth of practical knowledge and had work experience through vocational courses in schools, a balance of the labour market would be reached on an international scale. Plenty of evidence shows that there are a number of developed countries such as Japan, Australia, Canada and so on lacking unskilled and skilled workers who do manual jobs, hence hiring foreign employees, which contributes to global labor market equilibrium. In conclusion, both views mentioned are well-grounded. By considering the pros and cons of each kind of subject, students will make the best decision for them.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as chemistry, physics and history or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
mechanics and cooking has been receiving a great deal of public attention.

Although studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is not without advantages, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will be far more considered.

There are a variety of reasons for studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects.

First
, since most graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to land decent jobs down the road, having access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses is necessary. In fact, most high-salaried workers
are required
to have a complex understanding of their disciplines, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
if they have taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Second, by learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can continue higher education. This means that they
are armed
with the fundamental knowledge to do research or study, which is conducive to human innovations and developments later.

On the other hand
, there are a great number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
had better choose vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to study.

First
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
courses
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
ones.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
mechanic classes in schools provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with mechanical knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as fixing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
or assembling the parts of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find it easy to have a job after graduating from the school and earn money to feed themselves and their family. Second, if more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gained a wealth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge and had work experience through vocational courses in schools, a balance of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market would
be reached
on an international scale.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there are a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as Japan, Australia, Canada and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on lacking unskilled and skilled workers who do manual jobs,
hence
hiring foreign employees, which contributes to global labor market equilibrium.

In conclusion
, both views mentioned are well-grounded. By considering the pros and cons of each kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best decision for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will drive more benefits from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics, electricity engineering or cooking. v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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