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As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good? v.1

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults? v. 1
In the contemporary world, an abundance of individuals claims that the social conduct of children is changing significantly in any fundamental ways as they are becoming adults. In this essay, an attempt will be made to investigate the primary distinctions between social manners of juveniles and adults and to explore these alterations are acceptable or not. It is an inevitable fact that people' age has a certain effect on social behaviour. First and foremost, most of the youngsters are very negligent and careless and it means that they cannot understand the main issues of life. To cite an example, teenagers tend to dispute with their peers that may pave the way for anxiety in society. Moreover, due to the fact that they are much more sophisticated and wise in terms of the life experience. To tell the truth, there are some youngsters who have significant breakthrough; however, it is undoubtedly true that in the essence of each stupendous achievement belonging to any young person stands the old people’ aid and advice. I completely agree that these variations have advantageous effects in society and its dwellers. First of all, the community will sure that vital problems will be solved by reliable and experienced people. In other words, the number of controversial and incomprehensibility will decrease in the workplaces and it may lead to the convenience and confidence of the inhabitants. Taking all things into account, it is evident that depending on their age, each person's behaviour in society is different and some changes in young individuals are pleasant alteration, when they are mature.
In the contemporary world, an abundance of individuals claims that the social conduct of children is changing
significantly
in any fundamental ways as they are becoming adults. In this essay, an attempt will
be made
to investigate the primary distinctions between social manners of juveniles and adults and to explore these alterations are acceptable or not.

It is an inevitable fact that
people
' age has a certain effect on social
behaviour
.
First
and foremost, most of the youngsters are
very
negligent and careless and it means that they cannot understand the main issues of life. To cite an example,
teenagers
tend to dispute with their peers that may pave the way for anxiety in society.
Moreover
, due to the fact that they are much more sophisticated and wise in terms of the life experience. To
tell
the truth, there are
some
youngsters who have significant breakthrough;
however
, it is
undoubtedly
true that in the essence of each stupendous achievement belonging to any young person stands the
old
people
’ aid and advice.

I completely
agree
that these variations have advantageous effects in society and its dwellers.
First of all
, the community will sure that vital problems will
be solved
by reliable and experienced
people
.
In other words
, the number of controversial and incomprehensibility will decrease in the workplaces and it may lead to the convenience and confidence of the inhabitants.

Taking all things into account, it is evident that depending on their age, each person's
behaviour
in society is
different
and
some
changes
in young individuals are pleasant alteration, when they are mature.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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