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It is considered that the change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

It is considered that the change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
İt is believed by a group of people that alteration has a significant effect on people rather than keeping everything the same or remaining the same thoughts. I believe that positive sides of the change in every aspect of life are significantly higher than negative sides. I consider, the only disadvantage caused by modification is that it may bring discomfort for some people. The adoption of the change in some things takes a lot of time for the vast majority of the people who get used to their own styles or habits. For example, there are some people who inclined to purchase clothes or items from the same brand. They feel irritated for the changes in these types of things as they can be anxious after having altered their favourite brands. Nevertheless, the benefits of the change on people are far greater. First of all, having changed some behaviours or habits enables people to shape a better personality. For instance, some people tend to laziness that prevents to become a profitable worker or hard-working student. However, if they can be avoided from laziness, it would pave the way to being more successful in their future career. Furthermore, the changes allow people to learn the new things such as skils which in turn has lead people to think out of the box. For example, learning different languages enables people to acquire more knowledge about customs of other countries, in that way people can broaden their minds. In conclusion, although the change brings discomfort to people, considering the fact that it allows people to prevent their bad habits and enhance their outlooks I believe that advantages of the alteration outweigh its disadvantages.
Possible spelling mistake found.
İt
is believed
by a group of p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
that alteration has a significant effect on p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
r
ather
than keeping everything the same or remaining the same thoughts. I believe that p
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ositive
sides of the c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hange
in every aspect of life are
significantly
higher than n
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
egative
sides.

I consider, the o
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
nly
disadvantage caused by modification is that it may bring discomfort for s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople.
The adoption of the c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hange
in s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
things takes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
lot of
time for the vast majority of the p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
who g
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
et
u
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sed
to their o
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
wn
styles or habits. F
or example,
there are s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
who inclined to p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
urchase
clothes or items from the same brand. They feel irritated for the c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hanges
in these types of things as they can be anxious after having altered their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
brands.

N
evertheless,
the benefits of the c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hange
on p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
are far greater. F
irst
of all, having c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hanged
s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
or habits enables p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
to shape a better personality. F
or instance,
s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
tend to laziness that p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
revents
to become a profitable worker or h
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ard-
working student. H
owever,
if they can
be avoided
from laziness, it would pave the way to being more successful in their future career. F
urthermore,
the c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hanges
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
llow
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
to learn the new things such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
skils
which in turn has lead p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
to t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hink
out of the box. F
or example,
learning d
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ifferent
languages enables p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
to acquire more knowledge about customs of other countries, in that way p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
can broaden their minds.

I
n conclusion,
although the c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hange
brings discomfort to p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople,
considering the fact that it a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
llows
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
to p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
revent
their b
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ad
habits and enhance their outlooks I believe that advantages of the alteration outweigh its disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay It is considered that the change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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