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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree v.2

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree v. 2
Happiness plays a crucial role in the life of every person. While some people believe that money is a major factor in achieving happiness, some others tend to oppose that view and feel that money has nothing to do with happiness. I strongly believe that money and happiness are different concepts altogether. On one side of the argument, there are people who believe that money has a major role to play in the happiness of a person. Certainly, money is required to buy anything in this world. Right from daily meals to luxury homes, nothing comes for free. Thus, without money, it would be very difficult to live a comfortable life and hence it is easy to see why a person cannot be happy without money. On the other side of the argument, there are people who believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Although a certain amount of money is required to lead a life and people cannot be happy without that survival amount, the level of happiness of a person does not increase with the money that he earns in excess. Happiness is a different concept. Every person finds happiness in different things and it is completely wrong to argue that the richest person is the happiest one. For instance, I recently saw a documentary on BBC in which a millionaire sent his son on a real-life internship to take up odd jobs. His son felt much happier when he earned money to buy food for a day. Thus it is easy to see why money does relate to happiness. Happiness is a very important emotion and it is required for everyone to be content in life. This is essay discussed why a person needs a certain amount of money to be comfortable in life, but why money does not relate to happiness altogether. After having discussed the pertinent points related to the issue, I feel that the only logical conclusion is that money has nothing to do with happiness.
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Happiness
plays a crucial role in the
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life
of every
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person
. While
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some
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people
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believe
that
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money
is a major factor in achieving
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happiness
,
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some
others tend to oppose that view and feel that
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money
has
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nothing
to do with
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happiness
. I
strongly
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believe
that
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money
and
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happiness
are
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different
concepts altogether.

On one side of the argument, there are
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people
who
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believe
that
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money
has a major role to play in the
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happiness
of a
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person
.
Certainly
,
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money
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything in this world. Right from daily meals to luxury homes,
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nothing
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comes
for free.
Thus
, without
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money
, it would be
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very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable
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life
and
hence
it is easy to
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see
why a
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person
cannot be happy without
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money
. On the other side of the argument, there are
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people
who
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believe
that
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money
has
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nothing
to do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Although a certain amount of
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money
is required
to lead a
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life
and
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people
cannot be happy without that survival amount, the level of
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happiness
of a
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person
does not increase with the
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money
that he earns in excess.
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Happiness
is a
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different
concept. Every
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person
finds
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happiness
in
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different
things and it is completely
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wrong
to argue that the richest
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person
is the happiest one.
For instance
, I recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a documentary on BBC in which a millionaire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
his son on a real-life internship to take up odd jobs. His son felt much happier when he earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food for a day.
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Thus
it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why
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money
does relate to happiness.

Happiness is a
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very
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important
emotion and it
is required
for everyone to be content in
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life
. This is essay discussed why a
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person
needs a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to be comfortable in
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life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why
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money
does not relate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
altogether. After having discussed the pertinent points related to the issue, I feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
logical conclusion is that
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money
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nothing
to do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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