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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Happiness is one of the most precious goals to be achieved. People may differ in how defines happiness. Some people may consider happiness depends on presence of money. The more money you have, the happier you are. However, others have different points of view regarding how to be happy. Money can facilitate our lives by offering a good standard of life in many aspects. You can have all the fundamental needs like education, housing and good health services. Furthermore, you can live with more luxury and joy. For example, you can buy luxury cars and visit all the countries you wish. In addition to making your own dreams come true, you will be able to help your family and friends to make them live more comfortable. However, availability of all the aforementioned subjects are not equal to real happiness. Some people are extremely rich and they do not live a single happy day. For example, me as a mother, the happiness for me is equal to my daughters. Having kids, taking care of them and raising them to be good, happy and successful ones is a real joy. On the other hand, a student may consider graduation and having a good job is the happiness and a single girl may see the marriage is the happiness, etc. In conclusion, how to see happiness is varied between people. Some people consider money is the backbone of happiness while others are living happy depending on different subjects. In my opinion, regardless of the difference in our definition of happiness, we have to do our best to live happy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is one of the most precious goals to
be achieved
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may differ in how defines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on presence of money. The more money you have, the happier you are.
However
, others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view regarding how to be happy.

Money can facilitate our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
by offering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
standard of life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. You can have all the fundamental needs like education, housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health services.
Furthermore
, you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with more luxury and joy.
For example
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury cars and visit all the countries you wish.
In addition
to making your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true, you will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
your family and friends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more comfortable.

However
, availability of all the aforementioned subjects are not equal to real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
extremely
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rich and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
day.
For example
, me as a mother, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for me is equal to my daughters. Having kids, taking care of them and raising them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and successful ones is a real joy.
On the other hand
, a student may consider graduation and having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and a single girl may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the marriage is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, etc.

In conclusion
, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is varied
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider money is the backbone of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
while others are living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
depending on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects. In my opinion, regardless of the difference in our definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do our best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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