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Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v.1

Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 1
Nowadays, an increasing number of individuals are concerned about controlling a healthy and balanced body. Some people state that exercise is the most crucial for our health; others believe that there are things that are also important. I mainly agree with the latter view for the following reasons. First, there is no doubt that training is a pivotal part of life that will make us stay fit and healthy. Gymnastics helps us to consume calories, which can prevent several diseases away from us, such as obesity and dyslipidemia. Besides, dynamic people are often happier and more optimistic than non-active ones. When people are active, their body metabolizes with the external environment. Then, it promotes the flow of water and nutrients to the brain, which makes individuals feel fresh and joyful. Moreover, not only task but diet and sleeping also have an impact on our health. For example, a person plays sport and does exercises regularly, but eats many fast foods and also has sleep deprivation. As a result, he will get many diseases and become unable to concentrate on his work. A balanced diet provides us with essential nutrients while sleeping is time for our body to rest and repair muscle, organs, and other cells. If we only take exercises but do not have a balanced diet and sleep well, we may get various diseases, even cancer. In conclusion, many crucial factors influence our health. We not only need to do workout but also sleep well and have a balanced meal every day. Only by doing so can we make sure that we are healthy.
Nowadays, an increasing number of individuals
are concerned
about controlling a healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that exercise is the most crucial for our health; others believe that there are things that are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view for the following reasons.

First
, there is no doubt that training is a pivotal part of life that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us stay fit and healthy. Gymnastics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to consume calories, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
several diseases away from us, such as obesity and dyslipidemia.
Besides
, dynamic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
happier and more optimistic than non-active ones. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are active, their body metabolizes with the external environment. Then, it promotes the flow of water and nutrients to the brain, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
individuals feel fresh and joyful.

Moreover
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
diet and sleeping
also
have an impact on our health.
For example
, a person plays sport and does exercises
regularly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods and
also
has sleep deprivation.
As a result
, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases and become unable to concentrate on his work. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet provides us with essential nutrients while sleeping is time for our body to rest and repair muscle, organs, and other cells. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
take exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
diet and sleep well, we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
various diseases, even cancer.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crucial factors influence our health. We not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
need to do workout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
sleep well and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balanced
meal every day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Only
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that we are healthy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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