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Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
In the recent days, the usage of social networking sites like Facebook, twitter, google, and many more is quite popular. People rely on these agents not only to communicate, but to know about recent news as well. I think its advantages outweigh disadvantages. This essay will explore both the aspects of social media. To begin the positives, these sites introduce the world of virtual reality to people. This is because an individual can connect with his kith and kins sitting miles apart. To present an example, nowadays people prefer to video call their family members on traditional occasions to feel their presence, who are residing in foreign countries. In contrast, people have to stand in the long queue to hear the voice of their loved ones. Additionally, it has helped society to remove the conversation gap. Today we can chat, talk, share good memories, play games with a relative who is far away. For instance, during lockdown of the country, my brother, who resides abroad, use to play ludo with me to spend some happy moments. Whereas, in the past physical presence in the vicinity was must involve in some games. Furthermore, social media update the human not only in terms of trends, but regarding recent affairs like: charity, sexual assault, national crisis, and weather reports. These agents release news within no time, to clarify, I came to know about India is helping other nations regarding a medicine through Instagram. As every coin has two faces, so does these sites have. Firstly, national and international connection demand a good strength of signal. If the network is poor, then contact cannot be established and vice versa. Secondly, many cases of online theft have been reported while money transfer, which could be eliminated by proper use of safety programs. Finally, people could spread fake news; for example, a person remorse that his neighbour, who had travel history to Greece, is covid19 positive, though he was not. Despite these drawbacks, I believe slight awareness of people can assist in overcoming these issues. In conclusion, although the social sites pose certain threat to society in terms of robbery and wrong news, still it has many pros which cannot be neglected.
In the recent days, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Facebook, twitter, google, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more is quite popular.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
rely on these agents not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to communicate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to know about recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as well
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
its advantages outweigh disadvantages. This essay will explore both the aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
the positives, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
introduce the world of virtual reality to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an individual can connect with his kith and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "kin", the plural form of the noun 'kin'?
kins
sitting miles apart. To present an example, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to video call their family members on traditional occasions to feel their presence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are residing in foreign countries.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stand in the long queue to hear the voice of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Additionally
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
society to remove the conversation gap.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we can chat, talk, share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories, play games with a relative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is far away.
For instance
, during lockdown of the country, my brother,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
resides abroad,
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
play ludo with me to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
happy moments.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in the past physical presence in the vicinity was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media update the human not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in terms of trends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
regarding recent affairs like: charity, sexual assault, national crisis, and weather reports. These agents release
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
within no time, to clarify, I came to know about India is helping other nations regarding a medicine through Instagram.

As every coin has two faces,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have.
Firstly
, national and international connection demand a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
strength of signal. If the network is poor, then contact cannot
be established
and vice versa.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of online theft have
been reported
while money transfer, which could
be eliminated
by proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of safety programs.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could spread fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
;
for example
, a person remorse that his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had travel history to Greece, is
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid19
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, though he was not. Despite these drawbacks, I believe slight awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can assist in overcoming these issues.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
pose certain threat to society in terms of robbery and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
still
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros which cannot
be neglected
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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