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Some people believe that media spreads too much negativity in the society that it is harmful for those, who grow up there. So you support the argument. Please discuss v.1

Some people believe that media spreads too much negativity in the society that it is harmful for those, who grow up there. So you support the argument. Please discuss v. 1
There are thousands of media channels and they need something to keep the content fresh. Some people argue, that media channels focus on negative news, while others consider it a tool for correction. We are going to discuss both the point of views in detail, and will try to conclude the discussion in a meaningful way. The argument concerning the spread of negativity has been around for quite a long time. Those against it, argues that such a wide spread of negativity alters our perception towards the society, and gradually the whole community start accepting negativity as the norm. It also spreads hopelessness and suppresses the optimistic side of a community. Psychologists have proven this in numerous researches, that children take a huge impact of behaviours they see growing up and a small habit developed as a child, stays forever. They claim that negative approach of a society about everything becomes the core part of their personality which ends up developing a lack of trust in everything. Some people supports the opposite and consider it a help for legislative authorities to device a corrective action. They also think of it as an important source to know what`s wrong and believe that, without knowing something can not be corrected and mark it as an opportunity to protect them from any negative things that can occur to them. Drug abuse, for instance, is a typical example of such claims. Parents must be aware of increased drug usage in adolecsents, so they can talk to their children openly and make them aware of the harmful effects of it. Without knowing such things, they can never guide their children to avoid it. This group of people argues that highlighting negative happenings are more important than highlighting the positive news, because the aftereffects of both are entirely opposite. In my opinion, the key to a healthy community lies in balance. Negative news must not be spread up to a level where people stop believing anything positive, nor it shouldn`t be aware of any bad things happening. What we see today is extreem of both, either you will find a state channel in some developing countries claiming that everything is perfect, or some private media targeting some particular segment of the community highlight only negatives. Media must act a reporter not an opinion maker and that`s a key towards healthy and independent society.
There are thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
channels and
they need something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the content fresh.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
channels focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
news, while others consider it a tool for correction. We are going to discuss both the point of views in detail, and will try
to conclude
the discussion
Consider replacing "in a meaningful way" with the adverb for "meaningful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a meaningful way
.

The argument concerning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
of negativity has been around for quite a long time. Those against it, argues that such a wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
of negativity alters our perception towards the society, and
gradually
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
accepting negativity as the norm. It
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
hopelessness and suppresses the optimistic side of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Psychologists have proven this in numerous researches, that children take a huge impact of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
growing up and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
habit developed as a child, stays forever. They claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
approach of a society about everything becomes the core part of their personality which ends up developing a lack of trust in everything.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
supports
the opposite and consider it a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for legislative authorities to device a corrective action. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of it as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source to know
The character between 'what' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "what’s" (curly apostrophe) or "what's" (straight apostrophe).
what`s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and believe that, without knowing something can not
be corrected
and mark it as an opportunity to protect them from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
things that can occur to them. Drug abuse,
for instance
, is a typical example of such claims. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of increased drug usage in
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolecsents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can talk to their children
openly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware of the harmful effects of it. Without knowing such things, they can never guide their children to avoid it. This group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argues that highlighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
happenings are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than highlighting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
news,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the aftereffects of both are
entirely
opposite.

In my opinion, the key to a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
lies in balance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Negative
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
up to a level where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
believing anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, nor it
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "shouldn't" or "shouldn’t".
shouldn`t
be aware of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things happening. What we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
extreem
of both, either you will find a state channel in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
claiming that everything is perfect, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
targeting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular segment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
highlight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
negatives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
act a reporter not an opinion maker and
The character between 'that' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "that’s" (curly apostrophe) or "that's" (straight apostrophe).
that`s
a key towards healthy and independent society.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that media spreads too much negativity in the society that it is harmful for those, who grow up there. So you support the argument. Please discuss v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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