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The media plays a valuable role in keeping us informed and entertained However many people believe it has too much power and freedom Discuss your view on this giving examples and presenting a balanced argument both in favor of and against the power and fr v.1

The media plays a valuable role in keeping us informed and entertained However many people believe it has too much power and freedom Discuss your view on this giving examples and presenting a balanced argument both in favor of and against the power and fr v. 1
It is often argued that students often study some subjects that they are not interested in. I completely agree with this opinion and think that students should have more free time instead of studying. First of all, I believe that studying less makes students relax and enjoy their teenage life. These days, there are a lot of subjects at school and they cannot absorb all the information. If boring subjects can be removed, they will have time spending on their favorite ones and might be a specialist in that field. Moreover, they can use their free time to learn soft skills such as public speaking and communication which is definitely necessary to their future. Therefore, it is more important to spend time wisely than just focus on studying. Secondly, studying subjects that students hate at school can kill their creativity and interest. Although knowledge is essential to the development of young people, classes are usually designed based on tasks and instructions. As a result, it prevents their creative ability. Furthermore, if students find studying boring and exhausting because of their dislike subjects, they can easily get stressed and do not want to pursue academic path in the future. As a result, it is harmful to the economy due to lacking white-collar workers. Thus, students need to keep their motivation than gain as much knowledge as that they can. In conclusion, I strongly believe that students should have more time to enjoy their life instead of studying subjects that they do not like. This is because they can open their minds and create new things when they feel relaxed and chill.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they are not interested in. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of studying.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relax and enjoy their teenage life. These days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they cannot absorb all the information. If boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
be removed
, they will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending on their favorite ones and might be a specialist in that field.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as public speaking and communication which is definitely necessary to their future.
Therefore
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on studying.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
hate at school can kill their creativity and interest. Although knowledge is essential to the development of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, classes are
usually
designed based on tasks and instructions.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
their creative ability.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
boring and exhausting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their dislike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and do not want to pursue academic path in the future.
As a result
, it is harmful to the economy due to lacking white-collar workers.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their motivation than gain as much knowledge as that they can.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy their life
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they do not like. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can open their minds and create new things when they feel relaxed and chill.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The media plays a valuable role in keeping us informed and entertained However many people believe it has too much power and freedom Discuss your view on this giving examples and presenting a balanced argument both in favor of and against the power and fr v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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