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Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. v.2

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. v. 2
Every year a number of wild animals are being extinct and the increasing number of endangered species worldwide is an alarming issue for us. Some people are in the opinion that we should try to save all the wild animals while others believe that we should emphasise on saving some selective wild animals. First of all, wild animals are part of our eco-system and they have as much share as we have on this Earth. Due to exploit and overuse of natural resources by humans, many such wild animals are getting wiped out. Since we, human, are the main reasons their existence are in danger, it is our obligation to protect them. While planning and executing our steps to save wild animals, we should never select some wild animals while letting others die. In fact, it is quite unclear what would be the determining factors for our biassed selection? Many people, in this case, would argue that we should focus on saving wild animals which are fewer in numbers and have greater chances of extinction like Royal Bengal Tigers and Pandas. However, I disagree. If we take proper steps to save wild animals, that would include any wild animal found around us. For instance, if we can ensure a natural inhabitation of all wild animals and prohibit any actions that might threaten them, would actually save all the wild animals. When saving some selective wild animals, many argue that geological garden could a safe place for them. In fact, the reality is quite contrary. We should not put wild animals in cages and should let them freely live in their natural living place. International organisations like UN, UNESCO, WWF, Wildlife Alliance etc. sometimes work on saving endangered animals but that does not restrict their activities for saving those wild animals only. They have broader plans and several initiatives for saving all the wildlife animals. Finally, our won activities like logging trees, increasing use of cars, expanding cities, luxury, rampant hunting of animals etc. are the main threats to every wild animal in the world and the time has come for us to step forward and stop such activities. Saving every wild animal is a dire need not only to maintain the natural balance but also for our own well-being. In conclusion, we should save every wild animal that is still present in the world. Selecting some wild animals for saving is an idea we should discard as it would bring more devastating effects than positive ones.
Every year a number of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are being extinct and the increasing number of endangered species worldwide is an alarming issue for us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in the opinion that we should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
all the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
while others believe that we should
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
selective wild animals.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are part of our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
eco-system and
they have as much share as we have on this Earth. Due to exploit and overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources by humans,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are getting wiped out. Since we, human, are the main reasons their existence are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, it is our obligation to protect them. While planning and executing our steps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, we should never select
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
while letting others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. In fact, it is quite unclear what would be the determining factors for our
Possible spelling mistake found.
biassed
selection?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
in this case
, would argue that we should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are fewer in numbers and have greater chances of extinction like Royal Bengal Tigers and Pandas.
However
, I disagree. If we take proper steps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, that would include any wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
found around us.
For instance
, if we can ensure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhabitation
of all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and prohibit any actions that might threaten them, would actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
all the wild animals.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
selective wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that geological garden could a safe place for them. In fact, the reality is quite contrary. We should not put wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in cages and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
freely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
living place. International
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
like UN, UNESCO, WWF, Wildlife Alliance etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not restrict their activities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
those wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. They have broader plans and several initiatives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
all the wildlife animals.

Finally
, our won activities like logging trees, increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cars, expanding cities, luxury, rampant hunting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
etc. are the main threats to every wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in the world and the time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for us to step forward and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Saving
every wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
is a dire need not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
well-being.

In conclusion
, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
every wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
that is
still
present in the world. Selecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
we should discard as it would bring more devastating effects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
416 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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