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Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. v.2

Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. v. 2
It is true that sport has become one of the most entertaining television shows these days. A group of people believe that these sports shows have negative effects on the young people, as they prefer to watch those games on television rather than exercising. To a certain point, I would agree with the statement, but I also believe that it depends on the personality of each individual. On the one hand, it is a fact that the number of sports channels has increased rapidly in the past recent years. Cable channels such as ESPN, Ten Sports, Star Sports, Fox Sports and ASN are showing 24 hours of attractive sports games all around the world. As a consequence, many young people are staying in front of the television for a number of hours just to watch these games. The condition gets worst as they are also consuming unhealthy food such as popcorn, candies and soda when they watch the shows. Therefore, a lot of people believe that these channels have been the main cause of bad health condition of young generation nowadays. On the other hand, these sports programs should not be blamed as the only reason for the bad health conditions among the youngsters, as there are other factors which affect the health of the young people. Firstly, many parents do not teach their children about the healthy lifestyle. They are letting their children watch television for a number of hours and eating junk foods which would have a negative effect on the children. Secondly, it really depends on the personality of each individual. Some young people understand about the bad effect of watching television for such a long hours, but others just do not care about it. Therefore, sports channels would only be one of the factors that affect the health condition of the young people. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I would agree that sports programs might have some negative effects on the health condition of the young people. As these channels show entertaining games continuously, many teenagers spend more time in watching the shows rather than exercising.   However, I also believe that sports shows would only be one of the factors because the disciplinary attitude of the individual and the way parents educate their children would also affect the health condition of the youth.
It is true that
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sport
has become one of the most entertaining
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television
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shows
these days. A group of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
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young
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people
, as they prefer to
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watch
those
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games
on
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television
rather
than exercising. To a certain point, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
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believe
that it depends on the personality of each individual.

On the one hand, it is a fact that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
has increased
rapidly
in the past recent years. Cable
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channels
such as ESPN, Ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
, Star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
, Fox
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and ASN are showing 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
all around the world. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are staying in front of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a number of
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hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
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watch
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
worst as they are
also
consuming unhealthy food such as popcorn, candies and soda when they
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watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
have been the main cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation nowadays.

On the other hand
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
programs should not
be blamed
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions among the youngsters, as there are other factors which affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents do not teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the healthy lifestyle. They are letting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and eating junk foods which would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, it
really
depends on the personality of each individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for such a long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do not care about it.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be one of the factors that affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, to a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
programs might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
continuously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend more time in watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
rather
than exercising.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
However
, I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be one of the factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the disciplinary attitude of the individual and the way parents educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
also
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of the youth.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
74Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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