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Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. v.1

Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. v. 1
Technology has given people wings to fly but along with that, it has made them lazy too. One such technological advancement is television. With different kind of contents being lined up on television series, sports is one such evergreen practice shown on television. People of all age groups watch sports on television. However the ongoing craze of multiple sports draws on television has inspired the young generation to a great extent. Now the question arises, is this practice supposed to be blamed for the poor health of young generation!   The more they watch, the more they become addicted to it, whilst the evolution of sport on television was not meant to spoil brats. The motive to promote sports on televisions was to inspire the young generation to dig in their heels & to achieve success at a higher level. To keep people updated of the latest achievements in sports activities and to instil a feeling of vigour and enthusiasm in people Contradictory to this statement, is the fact that now the young generation takes watching sports on television as a leisure activity. Instead of inspiring, it has instilled a feeling of laziness among youth. Now the young one's just love to have a gala time watching sports. They no more feel the need to go out and partake in physical activities which in turn has affected their health to some extent. In my view, there is no harm in watching sports on television sometimes. But if it exceeds the desired time limit then alarm has to be raised. Along with that watching should not be combined with physical activities. Both relate to a different aspect, the former being a leisure activity while latter being a necessity to keep oneself fit.
Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wings
to
fly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
along with that, it has made them lazy too. One such technological advancement is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of contents
being lined
up on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
series,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is one such evergreen practice shown on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
of all age groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the ongoing craze of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
draws on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has inspired the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation to a great extent.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the question arises, is this practice supposed to
be blamed
for the poor health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation!
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The more they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, the more they become addicted to it, whilst the evolution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
was not meant to spoil brats. The motive to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
was to inspire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation to dig in their heels & to achieve success at a higher level. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
updated of the latest achievements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
a feeling of
Possible spelling mistake found.
vigour
and enthusiasm in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


Contradictory to this statement, is the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation takes watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Instead
of inspiring, it has instilled a feeling of laziness among youth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to have a gala time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. They no more feel the need to go out and partake in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which in turn has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their health to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

In my view, there is no harm in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if it exceeds the desired time limit then alarm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be raised
. Along with that watching should not
be combined
with physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Both relate to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspect, the former being a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
while latter being a necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
oneself fit.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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