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Some people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand v.2

Some people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand v. 2
When people choose a job, they usually consider several aspects. One of them is finding the perfect balance between work and life, career advancement, and salary. However, if I’m forced to choose, I will prefer to earn a lot of money because a six-figure salary can provide us the means to give our children better health care, education, and foster our psychological welfare. First and foremost, earning large amounts of money can help us to give our juveniles the optimal health care. Indeed, kids get sick a lot and hospitals bills are expensive too. For example, my brother has his own company. He has two daughters and they get sick at least twice a month, like any child. But when they feel tired, my brother does not have to worry about the medical bills or if his offspring are being treated by the best doctors. This is because money does not play a factor in his life. Therefore, earning big portions of money will secure better health care for our children. In addition, making large amounts of money can help parents to save money for their children’s education. For instance, my father is a doctor and he has his own clinic. When it was the time for me to choose which college to attend, the college tuition was not a factor because my dad was able to save up. I was fortunate enough to attend one of the ivy league universities in my hometown and to be surrounded by renowned faculty members. Hence, high income can assist parents in providing their children the opportunity to be taught under a highly advanced teaching environment. Last but not least, earning a huge amount of money can aid us in unwinding. Of course, this lifestyle can aid us in channeling our negative emotions into positive ones, especially since we can spend money freely on vacations and luxury items. To illustrate, one of my friends is a doctor and she always complains how is hectic to work more than eight hours a day. But what is keeping her to feel motivated and energetic, is having a high-paying job. Because she has the means to go on vacations at least three time a year and loosen up. , Consequently, having flexible income give us the methods to spend money freely which, in turn, will help us to boost our state of mind and have the chance to smell the roses every now and then. In conclusion, it is irrefutable that life is becoming expensive. Therefore, I prefer to make excess amounts of money in order to be able to take care of my children when it comes to health and education, and to maintain an intact mental health.
When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose a job, they
usually
consider several aspects. One of them is finding the perfect balance between work and life, career advancement, and salary.
However
, if I’m forced to choose, I will prefer to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a six-figure salary can provide us the means to give our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, education, and foster our psychological welfare.

First
and foremost, earning large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to give our juveniles the optimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
Indeed
, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick a lot and hospitals bills are expensive too.
For example
, my brother has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. He has two
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
daughters and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick at least twice a month, like any child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when they feel tired, my brother does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the medical bills or if his offspring are
being treated
by the best doctors. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does not play a factor in his life.
Therefore
, earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
portions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will secure better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for our children.

In addition
, making large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
parents to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education.
For instance
, my father is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
doctor and
he has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clinic. When it was the time for me to choose which college to attend, the college tuition was not a factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my dad was able to save up. I was fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to attend one of the ivy league universities in my hometown and to
be surrounded
by renowned faculty members.
Hence
, high income can assist parents in providing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the opportunity to
be taught
under a
highly
advanced teaching environment.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, earning a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can aid us in unwinding.
Of course
, this lifestyle can aid us in channeling our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones,
especially
since we can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
freely
on vacations and luxury items. To illustrate, one of my friends is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
doctor and
she always complains how is hectic to work more than eight hours a day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what is keeping her to feel motivated and energetic, is having a high-paying job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
she has the means to go on vacations at least three time a year and loosen up.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
Consequently
, having flexible income give us the methods to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
freely
which, in turn, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to boost our state of mind and have the chance to smell the roses every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then.

In conclusion
, it is irrefutable that life is becoming expensive.
Therefore
, I prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to be able to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and education, and to maintain an intact mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
453 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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