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Many people believe that it is important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyse each view point and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position. v.2

Many people believe that it is important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyse each view point and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position. v. 2
The truth is our world have nothing to do with fairness, except for one thing which we all have in common and that is the life time. Although some of us decide to spend it on earning huge money, others rather make fair amount of it and try to enjoy their life more. Both of this point of views could be seen in different angles, but, as far as I’m concerned, a comfortable life over weights a full bank account. To begin with, money has always been equal to power, and as a result of various technological progresses, which needs money to be caught, this fact is even more obvious in modern times. In this situation, people are really motivated to make as much money as they can, thus willingly spend their life in long working days, in hope to earn more money and build a better circumstances for them-selves. However, the dark side of this ultimate goal is that these kinds of people forget about their personal life sooner or later and become all about making money, so one day they might realize the bitter truth that the life is over and they have missed lots of it. On the other hand, for a group of people the life is exactly the moment which we are in it and we can decide to live it or waste it in order to make plans for the vague and unpredictable future. Actually, the point is, happiness and comfort in life is more a psychological concept than a measurable objective term. Therefore, it is vital to build a mindset that doesn’t attach our happiness to the money. This is why some people can have a better life even if they are not living in fancy houses nor driving luxury cars, they could feel the joy just when they have a chance to see how their children grow up. All in all, money can serve people as a source of power but when we care too much about it we will turn to the money’s servant. Despite the fact that no one can deny the importance role of money in people life, there is still lots of other staff that would make us pleased without any need to have large amount of money.
The truth is our world have nothing to do with fairness,
except for
one thing which we all have in common and
that is
the
life time
. Although
some
of us decide to spend it on earning huge
money
, others
rather
make
fair
amount of it and try to enjoy their
life
more. Both of this point of views could be
seen
in
different
angles,
but
, as far as I’m concerned, a comfortable
life
over weights a full bank account.

To
begin
with,
money
has always been equal to power, and
as a result
of various technological progresses, which needs
money
to
be caught
, this fact is even more obvious in modern times. In this situation,
people
are
really
motivated to
make
as much
money
as they can,
thus
willingly
spend their
life
in long working days, in hope to earn more
money
and build a better circumstances for them-selves.
However
, the dark side of this ultimate goal is that these kinds of
people
forget about their personal
life
sooner or later and become all about making
money
,
so
one day they might realize the bitter truth that the
life
is
over and
they have missed lots of it.

On the other hand
, for a group of
people
the
life
is exactly the moment which we are in
it and
we can decide to
live
it or waste it in order to
make
plans for the vague and unpredictable future. Actually, the point is, happiness and comfort in
life
is
more a psychological
concept than a measurable objective term.
Therefore
, it is vital to build a mindset that doesn’t attach our happiness to the
money
. This is why
some
people
can have a better
life
even if they are not living in fancy
houses
nor driving luxury cars, they could feel the joy
just
when they have a chance to
see
how their children grow up.

All in all,
money
can serve
people
as a source of power
but
when we care too much about
it
we will turn to the
money’s
servant. Despite the fact that no one can deny the importance role of
money
in
people
life
, there is
still
lots of other staff that would
make
us
pleased
without any need to have large amount of
money
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that it is important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyse each view point and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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