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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy. v. 1
While some individuals are of the opinion that people should take care of their health themselves, others think that it is the onus on governments to check whether citizens are healthy or not. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I, however, believe that regimes and the general public have to take equal responsibility. To commence with, some argue that health must be taken care of by the people completely. Because health is a significant gift of god and each one of us must realise its importance and should give proper attention towards being healthy. In India, for instance, a vast majority of people are going to the gym on a regular basis and even there are some who perform exercises in order to keep themselves fit. To elucidate, it can be said that promotion of being active and energetic is possible with the active participation of individuals. In contrast, another section of the community claims that governments should check the fitness of its people. This is probably due to the reason that not everyone is able to make expenses on the checkup of their well being, as there are certain people who are so much poor that they cannot even fulfil their basic needs, such as food, clothes and shelter. The administration, for example, should provide free medical facilities and treatments to cure diseases. Therefore, somehow authorities can take effective initiatives to promote a healthy population. In conclusion, undeniably, the society is divided on the issue of the health. Some consider it individuals' responsibility, whereas others blame the governing body for the encouragement of hygienic conditions. But, I personally think that both will have to come forward and none of them can take a back seat.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
themselves, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the onus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
whether citizens are healthy or not. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I,
however
, believe that regimes and the
Consider using "public".
general public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take equal responsibility.

To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
care of by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
completely.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is a significant gift of god and each one of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
its importance and should give proper attention towards being healthy. In India,
for instance
, a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going to the gym on a regular basis and even there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who perform exercises in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit. To elucidate, it can
be said
that promotion of being active and energetic is possible with the active participation of individuals.

In contrast
, another section of the community claims that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the fitness of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
probably
due to the reason that not everyone is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
expenses on the checkup of their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
, as there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much poor that they cannot even fulfil their basic needs, such as food, clothes and shelter. The administration,
for example
, should provide free medical facilities and treatments to cure diseases.
Therefore
, somehow authorities can take effective initiatives to promote a healthy population.

In conclusion
,
undeniably
, the society
is divided
on the issue of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider it individuals' responsibility, whereas others blame the governing body for the encouragement of hygienic conditions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and none of them can take a back seat.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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