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Nowadays people are affected by social media and internet. Is it a good or bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own examples. v.3

Nowadays people are affected by social media and internet. Is it a good or bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own examples. v. 3
There is no doubt that technological advancements have changed our lives. Therefore, some individuals believe that the internet and social media have greatly influenced the folks. In my opinion, this trend has more benefits than drawbacks and I will discuss about it in the essay. Technological advances have proved a boon to us in the number of ways. First of all, it is now easier to access new information. This is because of various search engines available, such as Google and Yahoo as one can get thousands of results by typing the topic-related keywords. Moreover, there are plenty of educational groups on social networking websites such as Facebook and Whatsapp and members can get subject-related information on these groups. This would be beneficial for students as well as scientific communities, who could read plenty of novel research through these mediums. Despite the above-mentioned advantages, there are some pitfalls associated with the use of the world wide web and social media. First of all, the social media has negatively influenced the lives of youngsters as they spend most of their time on social media while posting stuffs and updating status. For example, Instagram is a social networking platform where the number of followers access an individual's popularity. Therefore, in order to gain popularity, teenagers start showing off their lives on the internet, thus giving the chance to the stalkers and blackmailers to harm them. In conclusion, although the internet and social networking sites have some negative impacts on youth, data access and better connectivity are the positive points which outweigh them. I believe that these pitfalls can be overcome if we start giving prior instructions to our children regarding the limited and safe usage of these sources.
There is no doubt that technological advancements have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
greatly
influenced the folks. In my opinion, this trend has more benefits than drawbacks and I will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in the essay.

Technological advances have proved a boon to us in the number of ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
easier to access new information. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various search engines available, such as Google and Yahoo as one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
thousands of results by typing the topic-related keywords.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of educational groups on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking websites such as Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
and members can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
subject-related information on these groups. This would be beneficial for students
as well
as scientific communities, who could read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of novel research through these mediums.

Despite the above-mentioned advantages, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
negatively
influenced the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of youngsters as they spend most of their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
while posting stuffs and updating status.
For example
, Instagram is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking platform where the number of followers access an individual's popularity.
Therefore
, in order to gain popularity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
showing off their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on the internet,
thus
giving the chance to the stalkers and blackmailers to harm them.

In conclusion
, although the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on youth, data access and better connectivity are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points which outweigh them. I believe that these pitfalls can
be overcome
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
giving prior instructions to our children regarding the limited and safe usage of these sources.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people are affected by social media and internet. Is it a good or bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own examples. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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