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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. Discuss both views. v.1

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. v. 1
Owing to the drastic rise in the incidence of chronic diseases nowadays, some individuals are of the opinion that, everyone must be responsible for ensuring that they are healthy. Whereas, some other people disagree with this idea and believe that the onus lies on the Government to ensure that the health of its citizens are well catered for. This essay will discuss the role of both parties in ensuring good health. The state of living free of diseases and being in health is the job of every individual due to the fact that, it requires hardwork, discipline and consistency on the part of the person in order to appreciate the effect on their body. It can be challenging and cumbersome although, but the end result is fulfilling and beneficial to the person. It can involve activities such as; abstinence from some types of food and snacks, exercising regularly, going to the doctor for medical check-up and a few of others. All of these cannot be enforced on anyone, hence the need for everone to rise up to this task. On the other hand, the Government also has a role to play in assisting their citizens to live healthy, because some people do not have the financial capacity to fund hospital bills, register at a gym or even eat good food. As a result, they become prone to several kinds of illnesses and diseases. Therefore, a good step in the right direction on the Government's part will be to subsidise all the above mentioned activities. For instance, the US president has made available a medicare card for all Americans, thus covering for their basic health needs. Therefore, every US citizen has easy access to good health care. In conclusion, while it is the role of every individual to take care of their health, the Government also should help so as to ensure everyone lives in good health.
Owing to the drastic rise in the incidence of chronic diseases nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the opinion that, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be responsible for ensuring that they are healthy. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that the onus lies on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
to ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of its citizens are well catered for. This essay will discuss the role of both parties in ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health.

The state of living free of diseases and being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is the job of every individual due to the fact that, it requires
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
, discipline and consistency on the part of the person in order to appreciate the effect on their body. It can be challenging and cumbersome although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
result is fulfilling and beneficial to the person. It can involve activities such as; abstinence from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of food and snacks, exercising
regularly
, going to the doctor for medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up and a few of others. All of these cannot
be enforced
on anyone,
hence
the need for
Possible spelling mistake found.
everone
to rise up to this task.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
also
has a role to play in assisting their citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have the financial capacity to fund hospital bills, register at a gym or even eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
food.
As a result
, they become prone to several kinds of illnesses and diseases.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
step in the right direction on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
's part will be to
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
all the above mentioned activities.
For instance
, the US president has made available a medicare card for all Americans,
thus
covering for their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
needs.
Therefore
, every US citizen has easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.

In conclusion
, while it is the role of every individual to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
also
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
ensure everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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