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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. Discuss both views. v.2

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. v. 2
Taking care of health is essential to enjoy life at fullest. Some people argue that individuals are accountable for their well-being, while others claim that it is government's responsibility to keep its citizens healthy. In this essay, both these assertions will be discussed. On the one hand, people who believe that it is the responsibility of a person to take care of his well-being because of two main reasons. One of them is that as everyone's health is different, one knows exactly what is good for him and what is not. Whether eating junk food is properly digested or it creates problems of acidity. Another reason is that stress, which is a major contributor to illness, can only be controlled by a person by not thinking much of the problem. For example, according to a research, it was concluded that a person can overcome stress only when he is determined to stay happy. On the other hand, there are people who believe that It is only government, which can make its residents healthy. Firstly, by taxing unhealthy products. This initiative would not only make unhealthy goods expensive to consume, but would also discourage manufacturers to produce them. Secondly, the authorities can completely prohibit production and selling of some items, which are hazardous for one's fitness. For instance, smoking is injurious to health, which is clearly mentioned on tobacco products, in spite of such warnings, people smoke cigarettes because it is easily available on shelves. The Government can ban such products from selling in markets, this step will make sure that people are unable to buy those products and stay fit. In conclusion, People can take care of their own fitness by making sure that only such food is consumed, which is healthy and suitable to its body, and stay happy by not taking any kind of stress. However, governments can also take actions to keep its citizens healthy, which includes levying taxes and imposing a ban on productions and selling of unhealthy products.
Taking care of health is essential to enjoy life at fullest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that individuals are accountable for their well-being, while others claim that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. In this essay, both these assertions will
be discussed
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that it is the responsibility of a person to take care of his well-being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons. One of them is that as everyone's health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, one knows exactly what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for him and what is not. Whether eating junk food is
properly
digested or it creates problems of acidity. Another reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which is a major contributor to illness, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be controlled
by a person by not thinking much of the problem.
For example
, according to a research, it
was concluded
that a person can overcome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when he
is determined
to stay happy.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
its residents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Firstly
, by taxing unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This initiative would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
expensive to consume,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
discourage manufacturers to produce them.
Secondly
, the authorities can completely prohibit production and selling of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
items, which are hazardous for one's fitness.
For instance
, smoking is injurious to health, which is
clearly
mentioned on tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
such warnings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
smoke cigarettes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
easily
available on shelves. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can ban such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from selling in markets, this step will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and stay fit.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fitness by making sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
such food
is consumed
, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and suitable to its body, and stay happy by not taking any kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
also
take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, which includes levying taxes and imposing a ban on productions and selling of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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