Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 4
An increasing concern for many governments around the world is the declining health of their citizens due to a poor diet. While some people believe governments should be responsible for improving the health of their nation, others believe it is up to the individual. This essay will examine both sides of the argument. There is no doubt that individuals must take some responsibility for their diet and health. The argument to support this is the fact that adults have free will and make their own choices about what they eat and the exercise that they do. Children are also becoming less healthy. However, their parents are the ones who provide their evening meals so it is their responsibility to ensure these meals are nutritious and encourage them to avoid junk food and sugary snacks during the day. Despite these arguments, there is also a case for advocating the intervention of the state. People these days often have little choice but to depend on fast food or ready meals that are high in sugar, salt and fat due to the pressures of work. Governments could regulate the ingredients of such food. Some governments also spend huge amounts of tax money on treating health problems of their citizens in hospitals. It would be logical to spend this on preventative measures such as campaigns to encourage exercise and a good diet. Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that although individuals must take ultimate responsibility for what they eat, governments also have a role to play as only they can regulate the food supply, which openly encourages a poor diet. It is only through this combination that we can improve people’s health.
An increasing concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
around the world is the declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their citizens due to a poor diet. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should be responsible for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their nation, others believe it is up to the individual. This essay will examine both sides of the argument.

There is no doubt that individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibility for their diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The argument to support this is the fact that adults have free will and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices about what they eat and the exercise that they do. Children are
also
becoming less healthy.
However
, their parents are the ones who provide their evening meals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is their responsibility to ensure these meals are nutritious and encourage them to avoid junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and sugary snacks during the day.

Despite these arguments, there is
also
a case for advocating the intervention of the state.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or ready meals that are high in sugar, salt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
due to the pressures of work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could regulate the ingredients of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
also
spend huge amounts of tax money on treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems of their citizens in hospitals. It would be logical to spend this on preventative measures such as campaigns to encourage exercise and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet.

Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that although individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take ultimate responsibility for what they eat,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
also
have a role to play as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can regulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply, which
openly
encourages a poor diet. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through this combination that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts