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Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 3
It is believed by some people that teaching them the literature and history of their countries is more important than the history of other countries. I partly agree with this view, as I am of the opinion that learning one's culture is as significant as learning the culture of other nations. It is of course vital that children gain knowledge of their people's history. When parents and teachers in school teach young people important aspects of their history and literature, their local heritage is preserved. This means that significant milestones in a nation's past will not be forgotten and their culture can be passed from generation to generation. For example, information about a nation's identity is often embedded in poems and texts written in the past. By teaching children these literatures, they can identify with who they really are. However, learning other countries' culture is also very vital. In recent years the world has moved towards globalisation. In other words, the level of communication and relationship between countries has improved internationally. For instance, nowadays people travel and settle in other countries like Germany, Japan and France. If is young people choose to migrate in the future, it is important that at an early age, they begin to learn about other nation's values. This will make it easier for them to adapt in those countries. Furthermore, by learning the practices and literature of others, children will not see their race as a superior race and accept others as equals. In conclusion, I believe that teaching children the history and values of their countries is equally important as teaching them the cultures of other people.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, as I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is as significant as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.

It is
of course
vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain knowledge of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. When parents and teachers in school teach young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
aspects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
, their local heritage
is preserved
. This means that significant milestones in a nation's past will not
be forgotten
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can
be passed
from generation to generation.
For example
, information about a nation's identity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
embedded in poems and texts written in the past. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literatures
, they can identify with
In a formal text, use "whom", not 'who'.
who
they
really
are.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital. In recent years the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
towards
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the level of communication and relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
internationally
.
For instance
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel and settle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Germany, Japan and France. If is young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to migrate in the future, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that at an early age, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nation's values. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for them to adapt in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Furthermore
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the practices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their race as a superior race and accept others as equals.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and values of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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