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Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than of other countries. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than of other countries. v. 2
Few individuals are of the opinion that it is crucial to teach children the language of their native state than of other nations. It is debatable while I agree with the view held. Language is the basis of all human communications. In order to communicate with each other, one has to know the dialect spoken. For example, In India it is important to know Hindi and Marathi to converse with other people. The same principle goes for other countries as well. Moreover, each place has a language unique to its own. Since humankind belongs to society, and is a social being communication is key to his survival. For this reason, when a child learns to speak his first words he has learnt they are in his mother tongue. Although in order for one to communicate with other human beings, an institution such as school is formed. Hence, I agree that one should have comprehensive knowledge of their mother tongue. In contrast studies show that infants, who learn different languages often have a high intelligence quotient than their counterparts. Even as adults travel to different countries for work, it is essential for them to understand the way of life so that they may flourish. For instance, a young man arriving for a job in China is expected to know the local language Mandarin so that he can live accordingly. In recent times there are several companies abroad that outsource natives, and this itself is a booming opportunity to earn decent money. In conclusion, even though it is necessary to know the language of other countries, it is indeed vital to inculcate the values of one's own nation.
Few individuals are of the opinion that it is crucial to teach children the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of their native state than of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. It is debatable while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view held.

Language is the basis of all human communications. In order to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the dialect spoken.
For example
, In India it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
Hindi and Marathi to converse with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The same principle goes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries
as well
.
Moreover
, each place has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
unique to its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Since humankind belongs to society, and is a social being communication is key to his survival.
For this reason
, when a child learns to speak his
first
words he has
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
they are in his mother tongue. Although in order for one to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
human beings, an institution such as school
is formed
.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that one should have comprehensive knowledge of their mother tongue.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that infants, who learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a high intelligence quotient than their counterparts. Even as adults travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries for work, it is essential for them to understand the way of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may flourish.
For instance
, a young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
arriving for a job in China is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
Mandarin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
accordingly
. In recent times there are several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
abroad that outsource natives, and this itself is a booming opportunity to earn decent money.

In conclusion
,
even though
it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries, it is
indeed
vital to inculcate the values of one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than of other countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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