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Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 4
Some people claim that children should be taught literature and history of their own nation instead of foreign literature and history. From my perspective, I agree with this idea. The study of literature and the history of other countries are not necessary. Most literature and history might be written in a foreign language. This means that young people at primary or elementary school age are likely to study foreign languages first before finding out literature and history, which makes them stressful due to a hard school program. In addition, it is said that history is written by the winner so there might be a difference between countries. That is to say, young children do not seem to be able to discern what the truth is. However, there are several reasons why I believe that schools should concentrate on teaching national literature and history. First, children would gain more knowledge in light of enjoyment of what they are learning, leading to developing a sense of identity. For example, there are some schools in my city hold history tours for their pupils, once children have a chance to see in reality of what happened in the past, they could have interesting and proud of their culture. Moreover, young children could approach more knowledge through experiences from their parents on account of same study books or participating in history events. For example, in the Vietnam education system, children would learn about the history of the independence in which their grandparents might a witness, hence children could get more information from eyewitnesses. In conclusion, I would convince that it is unnecessary for children to learn foreign literature and history, school ground their pupils in the local culture instead.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

The study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of other countries are not necessary. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
might
be written
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language. This means that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at primary or elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age are likely to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
languages
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
finding out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them stressful due to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program.
In addition
, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is written
by the winner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there might be a difference between countries.
That is
to say, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not seem to be able to discern what the truth is.

However
, there are several reasons why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should concentrate on teaching national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would gain more knowledge in light of enjoyment of what they are learning, leading to developing a sense of identity.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in my city hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
tours for their pupils, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in reality of what happened in the past, they could have interesting and proud of their culture.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could approach more knowledge through experiences from their parents on account of same study books or participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
, in the Vietnam education system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the independence in which their grandparents might a witness,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information from eyewitnesses.

In conclusion
, I would convince that it is unnecessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
ground their pupils in the local culture
instead
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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