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Using points and examples from the talk, describe the physical differences that animals had to adopt to when moved from water to land. v.1

Using points and examples from the talk, describe the physical differences that animals had to adopt to when moved from water to land. v. 1
Vaccinating children are becoming increasingly unpopular in many demographic regions. These people claim that vaccinations are hazardous to children's health and as such are not needed. But is vaccination really dangerous? This essay will argue why vaccinating against spreadable diseases is entirely necessary despite some potential risks. Parents have always been wary of vaccinating their children. They are justifiably worried about their children being injected with unfamiliar substances that could potentially make them sick. Parents naturally protective of their children. For instance, there have been some recorded instances of some children, unfortunately reacting adversely to their injections. These few incidents have bolstered existing fears in parents that vaccinations are not necessary and potentially more dangerous than the possibility of contracting the disease itself. Despite the minor risks associated with vaccinating children, the idea that they are unnecessary and dangerous is completely preposterous. Vaccines have prevented vast numbers of deaths over hundreds of years in countries around the world. Also, the number of deaths so far prevented far outweighs the number of children who have been adversely affected by the immunisations. For example, some diseases have been completely eradicated through vaccination campaigns. Thus, the idea that vaccinations are unnecessary and dangerous is ill-informed and dangerous in itself and could potentially lead to a far worse outcome for society. To conclude, people who are against vaccination have a flawed understanding of this and underestimate the effects of what they believe. Thus, in my opinion vaccinating children is an absolute imperative that is entirely justified despite the small and occasional risk involved.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Vaccinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming
increasingly
unpopular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demographic regions. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that vaccinations are hazardous to children's health and as such are not needed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
is vaccination
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
? This essay will argue why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinating
against spreadable diseases is
entirely
necessary despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

Parents have always been wary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinating
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They are
justifiably
worried about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being injected
with unfamiliar substances that could
potentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them sick. Parents
naturally
protective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recorded instances of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, unfortunately reacting
adversely
to their injections. These few incidents have bolstered existing fears in parents that vaccinations are not necessary and
potentially
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
than the possibility of contracting the disease itself.

Despite the minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that they are unnecessary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
is completely preposterous. Vaccines have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
vast numbers of deaths over hundreds of years in countries around the world.
Also
, the number of deaths
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
far outweighs the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have been
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunisations' is British English.
immunisations
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases have been completely eradicated through vaccination campaigns.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that vaccinations are unnecessary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
is ill-informed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
in itself and could
potentially
lead to a far worse outcome for society.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are against vaccination have a flawed understanding of this and underestimate the effects of what they believe.
Thus
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is an absolute imperative
that is
entirely
justified despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and occasional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
involved.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the talk, describe the physical differences that animals had to adopt to when moved from water to land. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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