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Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care about them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care about them. v. 1
Many individuals argue that giving presents to our family and friends is essential to express our care; however others believe that there are more sincere and effective ways to share our emotions with our beloved ones. In my opinion, although alternative ways rather than presents would convey a unique and strong message to the receiver, it is better to buy gifts due to their convenience and commonness in the society. First and foremost, giving gifts is the most prevalent and convenient way to show our care about our friends and family. This is because people just need to buy a product in their price range which is interesting or useful for the receiver to satisfy him / her, and gifting presents for special occasions has been a lifelong traditon in the humankind. For instance, in Fathers Day, there are plenty of alternatives to buy as a gift in shopping malls, furthermore these gifts are mostly in discount. Consequently, I believe that gifting a present would enable the buyer a convenience and it is a conventional method to make our friends or family delighted. On the other hand, many people are inclined to prefer alternative methods rather than presents to express their care about their loved ones in a deeper sense. Considering this, it is getting more common for couples to celebrate their birthdays with preparing a homemade dinner instead of giving fancy gifts or many friends embrace each others birthdays with watching presentations that include the photographs of unforgettable moments of their friendship to forge the relations in a more sincere way than gifts. To illustrate, many primary school students are encouraged by their teachers to prepare postcards specially designed for their mothers for the Mothers Day. Although these alternative celebration styles are appealing, it is not necessarily needed since gifts would adequately symbolize the importance of relations and it is a much easier option for the buyer. To sum up, I agree that buying gifts is the most viable option to convey our love or friendship to the beloved ones rather than choosing alternative ways which are superfluous.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals argue that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
to our family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is essential to express our care;
however
others believe that there are more sincere and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to share our emotions with our beloved ones. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
would convey a unique and strong message to the receiver, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
due to their convenience and commonness in the society.

First
and foremost, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
is the most prevalent and convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our care about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product in their price range which is interesting or useful for the receiver to satisfy him / her, and gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
for special occasions has been a lifelong
Possible spelling mistake found.
traditon
in the humankind.
For instance
, in
The official / recommended spelling of this holiday is: "Father's Day"
Fathers Day
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternatives
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
in shopping malls,
furthermore
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are
mostly
in discount.
Consequently
, I believe that gifting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
would enable the buyer a convenience and it is a conventional method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or family delighted.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
to prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
methods
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
to express their care about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones in a deeper sense. Considering this, it is getting more common for couples to celebrate their birthdays with preparing a homemade dinner
instead
of giving fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
embrace each others birthdays with watching presentations that include the photographs of unforgettable moments of their friendship to forge the relations in a more sincere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
primary school students
are encouraged
by their teachers to prepare postcards
specially
designed for their mothers for the
The official / recommended spelling of this holiday is: "Mother's Day"
Mothers Day
. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
celebration styles are appealing, it is not
necessarily
needed since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
would
adequately
symbolize the importance of relations and it is a much easier option for the buyer.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
is the most viable option to convey our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
or friendship to the beloved ones
rather
than choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which are superfluous.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care about them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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