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Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care for them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care for them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. v. 2
It is commonly believed by some people that an adverse situation like a bad job or low income should be accepted while others think that efforts should be placed to improve the situation. I believe hard work and struggle should change the situation of a person. On the one hand, few people are of the opinion that bad patch in the life like low salary or a job which is below your qualification may be taken as the fate of the person. They believe it is God who makes such decisions and any action or word we say against this would mean disobeying his distribution of wealth. They believe, God has wilfully made such distribution as some are rich and others are poor. This is basically the concept of destiny, so people should accept it as such. If wealth or better job is written in their fate, nothing can stop them from achieving it. So they should accept low income as their destiny. On the other hand, some people believe and I agree that poor economic condition can be improved with the hard work. For example, if a person is working in the office and has lower position or salary compared to his qualification and degree, he can improve it by showing his skills. Moreover, hard work is the key to success and if even hard work doesn't bring the person to the place of his choice, he can always leave the job and try for a new one. For example, we have many examples in the history about the people who were university or college drop out and left the jobs, had initial few months hand to mouth life, but later on hard work, persistence and perseverance helped them achieve the position of their dreams. Hence, one should never compromise over his dreams as hard work is believed to change the destiny of people. In conclusion, people should always strive hard in cases of low bank balance or poor job as it can open new horizons of success for them.
It is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that an adverse situation like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
income should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that efforts should
be placed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and struggle should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation of a person.

On the one hand, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
patch in the life like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
salary or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is below your qualification may
be taken
as the fate of the person. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it is God who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
such decisions and any action or word we say against this would mean disobeying his distribution of wealth. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
, God has
Possible spelling mistake. 'wilfully' is British English.
wilfully
made such distribution as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are poor. This is
basically
the concept of destiny,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should accept it as such. If wealth or better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is written
in their fate, nothing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from achieving it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
income as their destiny.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that poor economic condition can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, if a person is working in the office and has lower position or salary compared to his qualification and degree, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it by showing his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the key to success and if even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
doesn't bring the person to the place of his choice, he can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and try for a new one.
For example
, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples in the history about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were university or college drop out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, had initial few months hand to mouth life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, persistence and perseverance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them achieve the position of their dreams.
Hence
, one should never compromise over his dreams as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is believed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the destiny of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always strive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
bank balance or poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as it can open new horizons of success for them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care for them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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