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Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them others think there are better ways to show that we care about them discuss both ways and give your opinion v.2

Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them others think there are better ways to show that we care about them 2
It is true that our beloved ones should be given a great care of by us, since we love them. Moreover, this is the most important part of our life to show attention to our relatives and friends. In my opinion, however, there are more lucrative ways to show our affection, which I am going to discuss here. Firstly, while presenting gifts and presents make our beloved ones very happy, it is always difficult to guess what exactly they need. In addition, even if they show the joy when given presents, they would never tell you the truth about how these presents are liked. For instance, different surveys concluded that the majority of the presents after main holidays are being thrown as a waste. Although, giving gifts and presents is a fancy way to show the love, it is gradually becoming an outdated habit. On the other hand, if someone comes up with an alternative way to bring a joy to your friends and family, they can always add up a surprise to the action. In other words, rather than just giving a certain gift, one can present a gift card for a certain amount in order to enable your close ones to buy whatever they want to. For example, the recent Walmart statistics have indicated that the volume of the gift cards surpassed the volume of the actual presents in the last year. As a result, more and more popularity gain such presents as travel tickets and holiday packages, which the people generally happier than when giving them ordinary presents. In conclusion, the gift's market is growing day by day and there are many new alternatives to the habitual ways to bring joy to people. Hence, I personally strongly vote for the new path to make our celebrations better.
It is true that our beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a great care of by us, since we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them.
Moreover
, this is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
attention to our relatives and friends. In my opinion,
however
, there are more lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
our affection, which I am going to discuss here.

Firstly
, while presenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy, it is always difficult to guess what exactly they need.
In addition
, even if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
the joy when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
, they would never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you the truth about how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
are liked
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
surveys concluded that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
after main holidays are
being thrown
as a waste. Although, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
is a fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, it is
gradually
becoming an outdated habit.

On the other hand
, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with an alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to bring a joy to your friends and family, they can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up a surprise to the action.
In other words
,
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
giving a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
card for a certain amount in order to enable your close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they want to.
For example
, the recent Walmart statistics have indicated that the volume of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
cards surpassed the volume of the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
in the last year.
As a result
, more and more popularity gain such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
as travel tickets and holiday packages, which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
generally
happier than when giving them ordinary presents.

In conclusion
, the gift's market is growing day by day and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new alternatives to the habitual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to bring joy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
, I
personally
strongly
vote for the new path to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our celebrations better.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them others think there are better ways to show that we care about them 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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