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some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we are care about them others think that there are better ways to show affection to them discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we are care about them others think that there are better ways to show affection to them 1
Gifts are called the token of love and care. presently, some proportion of masses assert that the best way to depict love and care towards our parents and friends is give them gifts and presents. By contrast, others say that our affection and respect for our family and friends are more important than gifts. Here, I would like to account both the view points with my own perception. There are manifold points to support the former view. First and foremost, a person can make his relationship strong by giving gifts and presents. For example, sometimes people are unable to show their love and intimacy for their family and friends but with the help of gifts they can depict their lives very and care for their parents and friends. Thus, giving gifts is lucrative for everyone. Apart from it, through gifts we can make our near and dear happy. To illustrate, in some special occasion such as birthday party, marriage and many more people give gifts in order to make their near and dear happy. Therefore, the idea of giving gifts fully holds the water. Numerous points can be mentioned in the latter view. Initially, care is essential for our friends and family instead of gifts. To be specific, people can help their friends in their thick and thin situation, they can respect their parents, give them proper time, share their spare time with family and doing all these a person can not only show their love for family bot also make their relation good for long life. Thus, care is imperative rather than gifts. To recapitulate, both the points have their own significant. However, still believe that respect and care is more important because it is real thing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Gifts
are called
the token of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
presently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proportion of masses assert that the best way to depict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
towards our parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and presents. By contrast, others say that our affection and respect for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
. Here, I would like to account both the view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

There are manifold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
to support the former view.
First
and foremost, a person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
his relationship strong by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and presents.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and intimacy for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
they can depict their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Thus
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
is lucrative for everyone. Apart from it, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our near and dear happy. To illustrate, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special occasion such as birthday party, marriage and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their near and dear happy.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
fully
holds the water.

Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
can
be mentioned
in the latter view.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is essential for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
. To be specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in their thick and thin situation, they can respect their parents, give them proper time, share their spare time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and doing all these a person can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bot
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their relation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for long life.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is imperative
rather
than gifts.

To recapitulate, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significant.
However
,
still
believe that respect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a real" or "is an real"
is real
thing.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we are care about them others think that there are better ways to show affection to them 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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