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some people see shopping as a leisure activity mostly for young adults. while others disagree. do this is a positive or negative effects on economic development. give your opinion and include any relevant example. v.2

some people see shopping as a leisure activity mostly for young adults. while others disagree. do this is a positive or negative effects on economic development. give your opinion and include any relevant example. v. 2
Lifestyle has undergone dramatic changes over a couple of decades. Presently, it is believed by some masses that shopping is a free time activity and more prevalent among youngsters. Here, I would like to assert that this trend have positive effects on the economy of a country. There are manifold points to support my point of view. First and foremost, shopping enhance the economy of a nation at large extent. Taking a real life example into consideration, in India, last year administration implemented good and services taxes on every big and small products and put additional charges on the real price of goods in order to attain more texes from people and business owner. As a result, shopping in abundance leads to escalate the amount of funds in a country. Moreover, the trend of more shopping confer job opportunities to the number of people. for example, administration open new factories every year in order to fulfill the demands of people for things. Hence, ample of workers are attached with this entrepreneurship and lights up the economy of a country. Further emphasising on my point of view, export and import of products are beneficial to enhance the level of economy. To be specific, people have tendency to purchase the international brands in order to uplift the standard of living. Therefore, a hard currency of other countries countribute remarkabley in making a nation financially robust. what is more, production companies require more raw material if people do more shopping and for this sectors such as farmer grow more material. Thus, the trend of shopping is a boon for every individual. To recapitulate, Undeniably, there are some drawbacks of doing more shopping. However, still I believe that this trend has more benefits than negatives.
Lifestyle has undergone dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
over a couple of decades.
Presently
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a free time activity and more prevalent among youngsters. Here, I would like to assert that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of a country.

There are manifold points to support my point of view.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of a nation at large extent. Taking a real life example into consideration, in India, last year administration implemented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and services taxes on every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
products and put additional charges on the real price of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in order to attain more
Possible spelling mistake found.
texes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and business owner.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in abundance leads to escalate the amount of funds in a country.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
confer job opportunities to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, administration open new factories every year in order to fulfill the demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for things.
Hence
, ample of workers
are attached
with this entrepreneurship and lights up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of a country.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasising' is British English.
emphasising
on my point of view, export and import of products are beneficial to enhance the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the international brands in order to uplift the standard of living.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
currency of other countries
Possible spelling mistake found.
countribute
Possible spelling mistake found.
remarkabley
in making a nation
financially
robust.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
what
is more, production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
require more raw material if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and for
Did you mean "these"?
this
sectors such as farmer grow more material.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a boon for every individual.

To recapitulate,
Undeniably
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of doing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
However
,
still
I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has more benefits than negatives.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay some people see shopping as a leisure activity mostly for young adults. while others disagree. do this is a positive or negative effects on economic development. give your opinion and include any relevant example. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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