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At the present time, the population of some countries include a large number of young people, compared with number of old people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v.2

At the present time, the population of some countries include a large number of young people, compared with number of old people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v. 2
Human lifestyle is changed over a couple of decades. Presently, in many countries the strength of young people are more than old one. Here, I would like to account that this trend has more benefits than drawback. There are manifold advantages of this phenomenon. First and foremost, working sector can boost the productivity with the help of young generation. To illustrate, young employees are more active, stamina, energy and they have more work efficiency, more accuracy in work. Therefore, young people are boon for the working sector. What is more, young generation are technically advance therefore, they have more innovative ideas and strategies to work and unlike old people they easily accepted modern way and communicate all around the world make healthy relation with other nation. As a result, nation can prosperous under the presence of young people. On the contrary, Opposite wind is also there. To begin with, under the influence of modernity young generation sent the culture and moral values at the back seat. To be specific, like old people, youngster have orthodox thinking they do not give more importance to historic background and culture heritage. Hence, this will lose the rich traditional values of a nation. To recapitulate, undeniably, there are some drawbacks of more young people. However, still I believe that it' s advantages outweigh it' s disadvantages.
Human lifestyle is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over a couple of decades.
Presently
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries the strength of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one. Here, I would like to account that this trend has more benefits than drawback.

There are manifold advantages of this phenomenon.
First
and foremost, working sector can boost the productivity with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employees are more active, stamina,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
energy and
they have more work efficiency, more accuracy in work.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are boon for the working sector.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation are
technically
advance
therefore
, they have more innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and strategies to work and unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
modern way and communicate all around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy relation with other nation.
As a result
, nation can prosperous under the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
On the contrary
, Opposite wind is
also
there.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, under the influence of modernity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
the culture and moral values at the back seat. To be specific, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, youngster have orthodox thinking they do not give more importance to historic background and culture heritage.
Hence
, this will lose the rich traditional values of a nation.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
,
still
I believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s advantages outweigh
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s disadvantages.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries include a large number of young people, compared with number of old people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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