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Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and present to family and friends to show that you care about them. other thinks there are better ways to show that we are about them. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and present to family and friends to show that you care about them. other thinks there are better ways to show that we are about them. 1
There is a split opinion regarding given token and presents to your loved ones as a way of showing your affections towards them. Some believe that it is paramount whereas another group of thinkers support an alternative means to express your care. However, both views will be discussed and my opinion will be stated. Examining the former point of view, the primary argument the supporters put forward is appreciation towards family and friends might encourage them to do more for the purpose of our feelings towards them. In addition, these premiums also creates memories for the receiver. For example, when a child receives a gift from his father, he tends to cherish and safeguard what was given and even love him more, giving him a sense of belonging. On the contrary, latter view suggests that there are more desirable manner of doing this because gifts and presents are short lived. Besides this, an optional appreciable thing can be done. For example, giving out scholarship to show your love towards a relative will be an eternal investment. Eventually there will be life, independence for the beneficiary. In addition, giving out a job placement is another way to express your commitment to loved ones. For example, getting employed will be a life assurance for a person and a better reason to feel more loved. To conclude and give my opinion on this, l would say that life investment is of weighted values and will be mostly appreciated towards friends and family. On the other hand, the place of gift and present cannot be totally discouraged because it makes the receiver feel loved.
There is a split opinion regarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
token and presents to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as a way of showing your affections towards them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that it is paramount whereas another group of thinkers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "supports"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'support' is not always incorrect.)
support
an alternative means to express your care.
However
, both views will
be discussed
and my opinion will
be stated
.

Examining the former point of view, the primary argument the supporters put forward is appreciation towards family and friends might encourage them to do more for the purpose of our feelings towards them.
In addition
, these premiums
also
creates memories for the receiver.
For example
, when a child receives a gift from his father, he tends to cherish and safeguard what was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
him more, giving him a sense of belonging.

On the contrary
, latter view suggests that there are more desirable manner of doing this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
gifts and presents are short
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
.
Besides
this, an optional appreciable thing can
be done
.
For example
, giving out scholarship to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
towards a relative will be an eternal investment.
Eventually
there will be life, independence for the beneficiary.
In addition
, giving out a job placement is another way to express your commitment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For example
, getting employed will be a life assurance for a person and a better reason to feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
.

To conclude
and give my opinion on this, l would say that life investment is of weighted values and will be
mostly
appreciated towards friends and family.
On the other hand
, the place of gift and present cannot be
totally
discouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the receiver feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and present to family and friends to show that you care about them. other thinks there are better ways to show that we are about them. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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