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Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.5

Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 5
Leisure activities are an inevitable part in ones’ lives. Although how to spend spare time is our own choice, there has been heated debates over whether changes in common hobbies are trendy or for the sake of personal interests. I am more inclined towards the latter view. Advocates of the view that what indicates a prevalent pastime is the latest trend or fashion may argue that it is more likely to be impressionable, especially in this globalisation era. Children and teenagers, in particular, are easily tempted to whatever activities are popular among their peers. Fidget spinning would be a fine example of this; youngsters seemed to have been crazy about it for a while and soon get rid of it to opt for another trendy pastime. Likewise, we adults are not an exception. What those not living in a Western country are probably wearing on special occasions are nothing but suits and ceremonial dresses that not all actually find comfortable with. I am in favour of the idea that personal pleasure is more a priority when people pick up a certain hobby than solely following trends. An obvious argument for this is that many activities cannot be called trends due to the fact that they have been around for a long time. Reading is one of the most prevalent interests, and a true bookworm reads books regardless of whether it is trendy or not. From an opposite angle, even when adopting a popular hobby, if a person finds it suits one’s passion, it is sensible for the picked hobby to be considered an indication of one’s need. In conclusion, while trends may contribute to the way people spend their spare time, I side with the perspective that hobbies are a true reflection of people’s needs.
Leisure activities are an inevitable part in
ones’
lives
. Although how to spend spare time is our
own
choice, there has
been heated
debates over whether
changes
in common
hobbies
are trendy or for the sake of personal interests. I am more inclined towards the latter view.

Advocates of the view that what indicates a prevalent pastime is the latest
trend
or fashion may argue that it is more likely to be impressionable,
especially
in this
globalisation
era. Children and
teenagers
,
in particular
, are
easily
tempted to whatever activities are popular among their peers. Fidget spinning would be a fine example of this; youngsters seemed to have been crazy about it for a while and
soon
get
rid of it to opt for another trendy pastime.
Likewise
, we adults are not an exception. What those not living in a Western country are
probably
wearing on special occasions are nothing
but
suits and ceremonial dresses that not all actually find comfortable with.

I am in
favour
of the
idea
that personal pleasure is more a priority when
people
pick up a certain
hobby
than
solely
following
trends
. An obvious argument for this is that
many
activities cannot
be called
trends
due to the fact that they have been around for a long time. Reading is one of the most prevalent interests, and a true bookworm reads books regardless of whether it is trendy or not. From an opposite angle, even when adopting a popular
hobby
, if a person finds it suits one’s passion, it is sensible for the picked
hobby
to
be considered
an indication of one’s need.

In conclusion
, while
trends
may contribute to the way
people
spend their spare time, I side with the perspective that
hobbies
are a true reflection of
people
’s needs.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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