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Blood sports have became a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. Blood sports should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Blood sports have became a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. Blood sports should be banned. v. 1
In recent days, awareness among the society about fit and active are very less because of work culture, less side effects of medication and a lot of distraction through social media and entertainment. However, we will discuss about details in the upcoming paragraph below and will conclude. To begin with, there are many entertainment options available in various levels and media. For example, we can divide life style into two ways like urban and rural. In urban cities, there are a lot of options available to enjoy and also spend time like malls, multiplex, movies, Television shows, video games and so on. Urban population is occupied with those cultures and not focusing on the health. On the other hand, rural culture, focusing on the watching movies on televisions and using a mobile phone to play video games. In addition, some smart people using mobile phones to spend their social activity like taking selfie next to the lake, travelling to friends home and etc. Secondly, both the community are not focusing on their personal health because there is a lack of time to think about proactive life. There are many countries like highly populated countries, there is no proper environment to build the active health culture. It leads to a lot health issues like diabetes, cardio disease, blood impurity and etc. For example, the recent WTO research published that 20% diabetic population has been increased in 2019 compared with 2017. In conclusion, we have to take necessary steps immediately to create a awareness across all age groups from the age of 15 to senior citizens. The government, NGOs is come forward help people to be fit and active.
In recent days, awareness among the society about fit and active are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, less side effects of medication and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
distraction through social media and entertainment.
However
, we will discuss about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in the upcoming paragraph below and will conclude.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entertainment options available in various levels and media.
For example
, we can divide life style into two ways like urban and rural. In urban cities, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
options available to enjoy and
also
spend time like malls, multiplex, movies, Television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, video games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Urban population
is occupied
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and not focusing on the health.

On the other hand
, rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, focusing on the watching movies on televisions and using a mobile phone to play video games.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using mobile phones to spend their social activity like taking selfie
next
to the lake, travelling to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "friend".
friends
home
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

Secondly
, both the community are not focusing on their personal health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a lack of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about proactive life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries like
highly
populated countries, there is no proper environment to build the active health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. It leads to
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of health"?
a lot health
issues like diabetes, cardio disease, blood impurity
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
For example
, the recent WTO research published that 20% diabetic population has
been increased
in 2019 compared with 2017.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take necessary steps immediately to create
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
awareness across all age groups from the age of 15 to senior citizens. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, NGOs is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be fit
and active.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Blood sports have became a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. Blood sports should be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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