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“Some people think that teachers and education professionals should make all of the important decisions about what subjects are taught in schools. Others think that business and industry professionals should make all of major decisions. Which view do you v.1

“Some people think that teachers and education professionals should make all of the important decisions about what subjects are taught in schools. Others think that business and industry professionals should make all of major decisions. Which view do you v. 1
Nowadays, technology plays an indispensable role in almost every aspect of life, especially in the field of electronic devices like mobile phones, laptops, etc. . Some of them believe that this new invention in technology made human beings more social, but some disagree with this notion. I strongly agree with the above-mentioned statement and would like to elucidate with examples in the following paragraphs. On the bright side, in my opinion with the availability of the latest technology in almost every field, which made human beings get more interacted with people all around the world. For example, many applications like Facebook, WhatsApp etc. . Where people can share information, send photographs and make new friends online. Consequently, with these modern inventions other advantages like time-saving, easy accessibility, quick interaction with people all over the world. On the flip side, some will argue that it would have a negative impact on the prospects of health. If people spend more time in front of the computer, which leads to health problems like eyesight, obesity, brain functioning also will get downgraded due to the release of harmful radiations from these electronic devices. For example, researchers have revealed more than 70% of people in both developed and developing countries are facing these health problems. In conclusion, it is an undeniable fact that technology plays an inevitable role to make a man more interactive socially with people. I am a strong advocate of the above notion. Like a coin has both sides, there will be both positive and negative effects on a particular issue, the only solution is to follow some measures to overcome these negatives and enjoy the results of the positive development.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays an indispensable role in almost every aspect of life,
especially
in the field of electronic devices like mobile phones, laptops, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them believe that this new invention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
made human beings more social,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree with this notion. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above-mentioned statement and would like to elucidate with examples in the following paragraphs.

On the bright side, in my opinion with the availability of the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in almost every field, which made human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more interacted with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications like Facebook, WhatsApp etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share information,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
photographs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends online.
Consequently
, with these modern inventions other advantages like time-saving, easy accessibility, quick interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will argue that it would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the prospects of health. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more time in front of the computer, which leads to health problems like eyesight, obesity, brain functioning
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
downgraded due to the release of harmful radiations from these electronic devices.
For example
, researchers have revealed more than 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in both developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are facing these health problems.

In conclusion
, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays an inevitable role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
more interactive
socially
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I am a strong advocate of the above notion. Like a coin has both sides, there will be both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on a particular issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution is to follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to overcome these negatives and enjoy the results of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay “Some people think that teachers and education professionals should make all of the important decisions about what subjects are taught in schools. Others think that business and industry professionals should make all of major decisions. Which view do you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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