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Some people think that students who do not take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. v.1

Some people think that students who do not take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. v. 1
Nowadays, in this competitive world for success, knowledge and experience are very necessary. Therefore the students who get enrolled in a university directly from high school are less valuable and less contributive to the community as compared to those who take breaks during the study and take some experience through jobs and travelling. For these two different opinions, I am going to classify these two groups with names: group A and group B. Group A for those who do not take rest in studies up to university and group B for those who take a gap between school and university studies and get some practical experience in their lives. As we know that study from high school to university studies will give us valuable theoretical experience only. Even in last year of the graduations university will send students to some of the companies for internships and apprenticeships to get training. But this is not enough for a practical job. A real job is something different and difficult from the training. When Group A students get jobs in a large company, they will face problems and they will not know how to handle the situations and how to deal customers and office staffs. Even some of their senior staffs will crush them hard and will tease them because fresh candidates do not know the work environment. As compared to group A, group B students will be efficient and active and they will easily come across the problems and customers dealings. They will observe their senior staffs; what they are doing with them and they will response more professionally by using their experience and ability. The students from group B will be able to handle the corporate culture more appropriately only because they have better job understanding than the students of group A. Group A students are less contributive also when a firm hires newcomers for a job. First, they have to train the newly hired staffs so more expenses are needed for that which comes from their salaries. And when they get experience, they are offer for better salaries. On other hand group B students from the beginning start earning more through their experience and work. This proves that group B is far more contributive to the new world economy. So from the above discussion, it is concluded that Group A students are less efficient, less valuable and less contributive as compared to group B students. Hence in this modern era, we have to get a better education as well as better experience to become competent candidate everywhere. From this regards, taking a gap between the high school and university education to gain practical experience and understanding of the world is a better option.
Nowadays, in this competitive world for success, knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enrolled in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
directly
from high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
valuable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributive
to the community as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take breaks during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and travelling. For these two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions, I am going to classify these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
with names:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Group
A for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not take rest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take a gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
will give us valuable theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Even in last year of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "graduations'" or "graduation's"?
graduations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for internships and apprenticeships to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
training.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for a practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. A real
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job
is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and difficult from the training. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Group
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in a large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they will face
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they will not know how to handle the situations and how to deal customers and office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
will crush them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and will tease them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fresh candidates do not know the work environment.

As compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be efficient and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
active and
they will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the problems and customers dealings. They will observe their senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
; what they are doing with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will
Did you mean "respond"?
response
more
professionally
by using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and ability. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B will be able to handle the corporate culture more
appropriately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
understanding than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A.

Group A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributive
also
when a firm hires newcomers for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
First
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
train the
newly
hired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more expenses
are needed
for that which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from their salaries. And when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "offered".
offer
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salaries. On other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from the beginning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning more through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and work. This proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B is far more
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributive
to the new world economy.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from the above discussion, it
is concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Group
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
efficient,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
valuable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributive
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
in this modern era, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to become competent candidate everywhere. From
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, taking a gap between the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education to gain practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and understanding of the world is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
73Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that students who do not take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
453 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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