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Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.4

Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. v. 4
When considering what to be taught in secondary school, people are still divided about whether international news should be one of the official subjects or not. While there are benefits to adding this new channel into the classroom, there are also major drawbacks in this argument. The statement that international news should be studied at secondary school is strong for several reasons. In terms of social view, it would help students to gain a wider perspective of the world. In this way, youngsters can be widely acknowledged with current affairs so that they could be aware of how to behave properly. Moreover, in the education view, international news accompanied by different academic subjects such as science, literature, mathematics would complete the integrated learning, which provides students with a full development to lead their life in the future. It is, therefore, clear that global updating plays a vital role in assisting education On the other hand, it is also understandable that including international news as a subject in secondary school curricula is definitely irrelevant. First, students are now snowed with a hectic schedule, which may result in overloading if any additions. Moreover, in the current education system, especially examination, it places a great emphasis on academic subjects, if students don’t concentrate enough on these qualifications, they might fail. Secondly, the violence represented in many of today's news could affect students' performance. This is because, at the secondary school’ age, students are still inexperienced to understand those negative aspects. So the youngsters tend to misjudge the situations and act inappropriately. Therefore, the study of international news would be a destructive and wasteful use of school resource. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for the study of global news into secondary school, but it also suffers from a flaw in its reasoning.
When considering what to
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
divided about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should be one of the official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or not. While there are benefits to adding this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
channel into the classroom, there are
also
major drawbacks in this argument.

The statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should
be studied
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is strong for several reasons. In terms of social view, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain a wider perspective of the world. In this way, youngsters can be
widely
acknowledged with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could be aware of how to behave
properly
.
Moreover
, in the education view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
accompanied by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as science, literature, mathematics would complete the integrated learning, which provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with a full development to lead their life in the future. It is,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that global updating plays a vital role in assisting education

On the other hand
, it is
also
understandable that including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curricula is definitely irrelevant.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
snowed with a hectic schedule, which may result in overloading if any additions.
Moreover
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
education system,
especially
examination, it places a great emphasis on academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
don’t concentrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on these qualifications, they might fail.
Secondly
, the violence represented in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
could affect students' performance. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
still
inexperienced to understand those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the youngsters tend to misjudge the situations and act
inappropriately
.
Therefore
, the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
would be a destructive and wasteful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
resource.

In conclusion
, there are convincing arguments for the study of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
suffers from a flaw in its reasoning.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. v. 4

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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