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Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. v. 2
Since parents wish the best instruction for their children, it has been debated whether physical activities should be part of the school educational program. Some people support gym classes considering the benefits of physical activities on body and mind, whereas others believe that the time for academic subjects should not be sacrified. In this essay the role of physical education in the course of study will be discussed. There are many arguments in favour of the inclusion of physical education in the school curricola. Firstly, gym classes may have health benefits, especially in western countries where the diffusion of video-games and smart phone have encouraged sedentary lifestyle and obesity. Secondly, body exercise has been shown in studies to improve academic performance. Lastly, in the context of big cities where there are fewer and fewer places for children to play safely outside, schools offer guarded space to practice physical activities. When it comes to arguments against physical education, many people believe that parents should make sure that children get enough exercise, not schools. In addition, having more hours of academic subject would increase the possibility to enter into a good university and consequently to get a high-paying job in the future. Furthermore, modern societies need more engineers, scientists and teachers of core subjects than athletes. In summary, both sides seem to have sound arguments. However, I am of the opinion that physical education is an essential part of school educational program as it is proven to improve both health and intellectual activities.
Since parents wish the best instruction for their children, it has
been debated
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities should be part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
educational program.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support gym classes considering the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities on body and mind, whereas others believe that the time for academic subjects should not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
sacrified
. In this essay the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the course of study will
be discussed
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the inclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
curricola
.
Firstly
, gym classes may have health benefits,
especially
in western countries where the diffusion of video-games and smart phone have encouraged sedentary lifestyle and obesity.
Secondly
, body exercise has
been shown
in studies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
academic performance.
Lastly
, in the context of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities where there are fewer and fewer places for children to play
safely
outside,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
offer guarded space to practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to arguments against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
exercise, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
In addition
, having more hours of academic subject would increase the possibility to enter into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
university and
consequently
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high-paying job in the future.
Furthermore
, modern societies need more engineers, scientists and teachers of core subjects than athletes.

In summary, both sides seem to have sound arguments.
However
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an essential part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
educational program as it
is proven
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both health and intellectual activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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