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Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. v. 2
In the recent times, the society is suffering from the soaring rate of crime all around the world. Some intellectuals opine to devote more fiscal resources to prevent the root of the offences, whereas others consider that the penalty for the crime must get stringent. This essay will discuss both the views of the above notion along with my opinion. To begin with, the former view of eliminating the origins of the crime is predominantly key to decline the rate of crime. This practice will not only reduce the episodes of offences, but also eradicate it from the community. Moreover, there are many circumstances and elements are there in the society, which provoke the people toward the atrocity. The local administrations have to identify such causes of the misdeeds and try to eliminate it by using fiscal and monetary policies. For instance, in many developing countries, the exorbitant poverty and unemployment escalate the victims towards robbery, prostitution and fraud. Therefore, a practice to reduce the origin of the crime is more effective for the prosperity of the society. However, according to the latter view, the characteristics of rewarding such culprits must be modified and the legislation should form the stringent policies to create fear in the lawbreakers. The strict punishment of the offences puts a psychological pressure of the intentions of the evildoers. As a result, the potential incidents of the crime can be reduced. For example, the gulf countries having the extreme penalties revealed the minimal crime rate in their nations. Thus, the lawmakers have to come forward to stop such illegal activities by using radical punishments. To conclude, to build the society more civilized, the authorities must have to conduct strict actions to deter the crime rates. In my opinion, the government should use the optimistic view to fade out the roots of the offences, which will benefit the large mass of the society as well as reconsider the legislation with provisions of the strict penalties.
In the recent times, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is suffering from the soaring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
all around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
intellectuals opine to devote more fiscal resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the root of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, whereas others consider that the penalty for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stringent. This essay will discuss both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
of the above notion along with my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
of eliminating the origins of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
predominantly
key to decline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This practice will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the episodes of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
eradicate it from the community.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances and elements are there in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which provoke the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
toward the atrocity. The local administrations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
identify such causes of the misdeeds and try to eliminate it by using fiscal and monetary policies.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the exorbitant poverty and unemployment escalate the victims towards robbery, prostitution and fraud.
Therefore
, a practice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the origin of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is more effective for the prosperity of the society.

However
, according to the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, the characteristics of rewarding such culprits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be modified
and the legislation should form the stringent policies to create fear in the lawbreakers. The strict punishment of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
puts a psychological pressure of the intentions of the evildoers.
As a result
, the potential incidents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
For example
, the gulf countries having the extreme penalties revealed the minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in their nations.
Thus
, the lawmakers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such illegal activities by using radical punishments.

To conclude
, to build the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
more civilized, the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
conduct strict actions to deter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the optimistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
to fade out the roots of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, which will benefit the large mass of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
as reconsider the legislation with provisions of the strict penalties.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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