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Some People Think That It Is Better To Spend Money To Eliminate The Cause Of Crime v.1

Some People Think That It Is Better To Spend Money To Eliminate The Cause Of Crime v. 1
Every government allocates a certain proportion of its budget for the safety of its citizens. Some people opine that authorities should invest money to eradicate the root cause of crime while others assert that it ought to be spent on the punishment of criminals. In my opinion, uprooting the causes of crime is the most effective way to make the society safer. On the one hand, there are certainly some benefits to spending money on punishing the offenders in order to set an example in front of the public. Strict punishment is a lesson for people and it can create fear among them. As a result, they will not want to indulge in any kind of illegal activity. For instance, some nations have negligible incidences of rape because they follow stringent punishment procedures to tackle such cases. However, I believe that it is a less effective way because when people are about to commit a crime, they are not in a sober mood to think about the consequences. On the other hand, investing funds to eradicate the major causes of crime is a much more beneficial strategy because this will dramatically decrease the crime rate. The majority of illegal activities are performed by offenders due to the lack of insufficient funds and unemployment. If such problems are eradicated from the society by authorities, the crime figures will automatically drop. Moreover, investment in removing crime will lead to the foundation of an egalitarian society where people will be able to live peacefully and safely. Countries, where the crime rate is zero are the happiest and Finland is a prime example of this. This is much more effective than punishing people to set an example for others because people easily forget what happened to others. In conclusion, although spending money on harsh punishment is a lesson for criminals and public, I think working on the main reason of crime is a much more effective strategy to eliminate crime completely as it will be better for the safety of people and for the progress of the country / the nation.
Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocates a certain proportion of its budget for the safety of its citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that authorities should invest money to eradicate the root cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
while others assert that it ought to
be spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
of criminals. In my opinion, uprooting the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the society safer.

On the one hand, there are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to spending money on punishing the offenders in order to set an example in front of the public. Strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a lesson for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it can create fear among them.
As a result
, they will not want to indulge in any kind of illegal activity.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations have negligible incidences of rape
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they follow stringent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
procedures to tackle such cases.
However
, I believe that it is a less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are about to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, they are not in a sober mood to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the consequences.

On the other hand
, investing funds to eradicate the major causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a much more beneficial strategy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
dramatically
decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate. The majority of illegal activities
are performed
by offenders due to the lack of insufficient funds and unemployment. If such problems
are eradicated
from the society by authorities, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
figures will
automatically
drop.
Moreover
, investment in removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
will lead to the foundation of an egalitarian society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
and
safely
. Countries, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is zero are the happiest and Finland is a prime example of this. This is much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
than punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to set an example for others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
forget what happened to others.

In conclusion
, although spending money on harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a lesson for criminals and public, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
working on the main reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
strategy to eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
completely as it will be better for the safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and for the progress of the country / the nation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some People Think That It Is Better To Spend Money To Eliminate The Cause Of Crime v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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