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Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones To what extent do you agree or disagree Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge v.2

Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones 2
It is true that buildings are the face of a city Therefore, some people say, it is better to build new museums and town halls in order to beautify the city centers instead of renovating the old ones. However I totally oppose this argument because of the reasons mentioned below. To begin with, old buildings are not just buildings but they carry a tradition and culture to new generation. By demolishing these buildings, we will loose remaining monuments about our culture and tradition. But renovating these building and keeping it intact is good for many reasons. First and foremost, children can get a authentic and direct knowledge about the old tradition and culture. Knowledge about the history and tradition children usually acquire from text books and pictures which will not make any impact about those things, in children minds. However feeling and experiencing things makes a lot difference in children, they never forget something they have saw and touched directly. For example, stories about Mysoor palace ( a famous palace in India built by Tippu sultan) may not be interesting for children unless they see it directly. Another point is, these buildings are a treasure of old sculpture, which is priceless and cannot reconstruct by the current generation. Moreover, the huge expenses, relating to construction of new museums and town halls will be a burden for the government. Instead government can use this money for other developments which is necessary for the society such as infrastructure and health care sector. However renovation is less expensive than the new building construction. Hence, governments can save a significant sum of money by renovating these old buildings and keep them as intact monuments for our ancestors. To conclude, renovation museums and town halls is the better approach towards these buildings than constructiong new ones.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are the face of a city
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say, it is better to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
museums and town halls in order to beautify the city centers
instead
of renovating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
totally
oppose this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons mentioned below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they carry a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and culture to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation. By demolishing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, we will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
remaining monuments about our culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
renovating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
and keeping it intact is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
authentic and direct knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and culture. Knowledge about the history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
acquire from text books and pictures which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any impact about those things, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
minds.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
feeling and experiencing things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of difference"?
a lot difference
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they never forget something they have
Use past participle here: "sawed", "sawn", "seen".
saw
and touched
directly
.
For example
, stories about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mysoor
palace
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
palace in India built by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tippu
sultan) may not be interesting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unless they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it
directly
. Another point is, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are a treasure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
sculpture, which is priceless and cannot reconstruct by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation.

Moreover
, the huge expenses, relating to construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
museums and town halls will be a burden for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this money for other developments which is necessary for the society such as infrastructure and health care sector.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
renovation is less expensive than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
construction.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can save a significant sum of money by renovating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them as intact monuments for our ancestors.

To conclude
, renovation museums and town halls is the better approach towards these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
constructiong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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