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Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children s study On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development What is your opinion v.2

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children s study On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development What is your opinion v. 2
It is true that these day’s more and more children and adolescents are addicted to playing games on computers and smartphones. This, in my opinion, is a negative development in the society and is leading to numerous psychological problems in the little ones. Furthermore, playing these games does not yield any benefit, instead are a bane to their upbringing. Computer games, firstly and most importantly, are highly addictive in nature, which means that, when a child starts playing them, he/she develops a kind of psychological dependency, and such cravings will pull him towards them. Such a behavior will lead to spending most of their leisure time by playing computer games, consequently, they will have minimal or almost no physical activity. This lead to numerous health issues such as obesity, cardiac problems to name a couple. For example, as per the latest report by the National Health Services (NHS) of UK, approximately 60 percent of children spend more than 4 hours of their leisure time on a daily basis on either playing online games over the internet or offline games on smartphones. This is a seriously disturbing trend, which does have long-term devastating consequences. Secondly, more often than not, online games expose children to violent and cruel behaviors, these games are replete with violent actions in which, the actor, in this case, the child, uses armory such as pistols and bombs, such a cruel action will have negative and violent influence on the child’s behavior. For instance, not long ago, a game by the name Blue-Shark was shared on online platforms in which, the gamer had to go through various self-destructive actions, after successfully completing all the levels, the final one would lead to the suicide. This crazy game had taken lives of more than 100 adolescents all over the world. Electronic games, finally, obviously impacts the academics of the children, as they spend most of their time playing instead of doing their homework and assignments. For the reasons mentioned above, it can be concluded that computer games in the form of play-station or online gaming are highly dangerous for children, both in psychological as well as psychical terms. Parents and guardians, therefore, must ensure to keep their children away from these addictive natured activities.
It is true that
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
’s more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adolescents
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers and smartphones. This, in my opinion, is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development in the society and is leading to numerous psychological problems in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
does not yield any benefit,
instead
are a bane to their upbringing.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
firstly
and most
importantly
, are
highly
addictive in nature, which means that, when a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
them, he/she develops a kind of psychological dependency, and such cravings will pull him towards them. Such a behavior will lead to spending most of their leisure time by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
consequently
, they will have minimal or almost no physical activity. This lead to numerous health issues such as obesity, cardiac problems to name a couple.
For example
, as per the latest report by the National Health Services (NHS) of UK, approximately 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more than 4 hours of their leisure time on a daily basis on either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
over the internet or offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on smartphones. This is a
seriously
disturbing trend, which does have long-term devastating consequences.

Secondly
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
expose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to violent and cruel behaviors, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are replete with violent actions in which, the actor,
in this case
, the child,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
armory such as pistols and bombs, such a cruel action will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and violent influence on the child’s behavior.
For instance
, not long ago, a game by the name Blue-Shark
was shared
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms in which, the gamer had to go through various self-destructive actions, after
successfully
completing all the levels, the final one would lead to the suicide. This crazy game had taken
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of more than 100 adolescents all over the world. Electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
finally
,
obviously
impacts the academics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as they spend most of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
instead
of doing their homework and assignments.

For the reasons mentioned above, it can
be concluded
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the form of play-station or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
gaming are
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, both in psychological
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
psychical terms. Parents and guardians,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
away from these addictive
Possible spelling mistake found.
natured
activities.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children s study On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development What is your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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