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Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.1

Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. v. 1
Some people believe that the land occupied by public parks could be used to build houses and business establishments, which might increase economies. I absolutely agree with this idea of building houses and official apartments in these areas to meet the demands of the growing population and to boost the economy. Because of the increasing sharply for the population of the world, housing crises are becoming a serious problem in many countries. With the population of the world is growing faster, the number of people becomes homeless also increases. People who live-in low-quality towers, due to inadequate space and poor living conditions, tend to have high health and safety risks. Therefore, ample space would be better used for building houses for the rising population in a community. Likewise, office workers face problems of insufficient working space. This has a real impact on business performance and the resulting revenue. Building new developments in open spaces will provide incentives for both new and existing businesses. In addition, the ample space can be utilized on developing business such as shopping complex to trigger the economic growth, instance of public parks. With the shopping complex or malls, the government will receive a source of tax, which can make an increase for economy. Moreover, those business establishments can create many job opportunities to solve unemployment issues. Therefore, building residential areas and business instance of public parks can bring the quality of living and economic developments of a country. In conclusion, although some people believe that public parks are useful for residents in those areas, constructions of new buildings and houses in the areas of parks is more highly beneficial than it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the land occupied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
establishments, which might increase economies. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
and official apartments in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands of the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and to boost the economy.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the increasing
sharply
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the world, housing crises are becoming a serious problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the world is growing faster, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becomes homeless
also
increases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
-in low-quality towers, due to inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and poor living conditions, tend to have high health and safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Therefore
, ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
would be better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
for the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in a community.
Likewise
, office workers face problems of insufficient working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
. This has a real impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
performance and the resulting revenue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Building
new developments in open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
will provide incentives for both new and existing businesses.

In addition
, the ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
can
be utilized
on developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
such as shopping complex to trigger the economic growth, instance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
. With the shopping complex or malls, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will receive a source of tax, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an increase for economy.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
establishments can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities to solve unemployment issues.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
instance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can bring the quality of living and economic developments of a country.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are useful for residents in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, constructions of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
is more
highly
beneficial than it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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